Well it’s true… *I pull down my glasses and glare at you* No, not because of the sex…well, *pushes up glasses and clears throat* Not totally because of the sex. I actually love writing about BDSM because it’s a lifestyle choice that I find to be honorable. Does that sound weird to you? Why? I suppose you’re used to thinking in terms of BDSM = kinky. Sure, sometimes and for some people, but I’ve known some freakishly kinky people who were not BDSM identified. Heck, even within the community there’s derision on which protocols are to be adhered to and which should not. So I’m thinking it’s up for personal interpretation.
I choose to view a person who’s committed to the lifestyle as being an individual who has decided to take an honorable path toward self-enlightenment. Let’s face it they’ve made a conscious choice to strive to be something other than they were – something they perceive to be better for them – what’s wrong with that? Nothing. Now, on the flipside? What’s right with that? Everything. Change for the better is always a good thing in my books. <- pun intended 🙂
But who determines what ‘better’ constitutes? Me? You? Nope, the person who consciously makes the change gets to decide because only they can know what they truly want in life to make them happy. So, if licking someone’s boots, getting whipped or being locked in a collar floats your boat on a higher tide, go for it. And as a writer, if you like to write an edgy D/s story where the Dom orders his sub to her knees right away or he drinks alcohol before a scene or he cries after sex, cool, because it’s all about interpretation and the judgment of that is up to the reader. I can only speak of my personal interpretation and how that translates into the stories I write.
For me, what makes the perfect Dom is a man who is honorable, intelligent, consistent and self-possessed. He doesn’t have to explain himself to anyone, least of all to his submissive. He should be willing to listen, learn and adapt to even the subtlest changes that occur within the relationship he’s been entrusted to maintain. (So, yeah, no bringing his heroine to her knees until she earns the privilege, absolutely no drinking because that messes with the faculties he needs to control the scene and as for crying afterward? Eek – Never.)
To me, the perfect submissive is a woman who is strong enough to completely surrender herself to her Dom because she knows this is what makes her man happy and his happiness is where her ultimate happiness stems from. She too, must listen, learn and adapt as (I believe) the D/s dynamic is more intimate than the ‘traditional’ aspects of a non D/s identified couple.
Did I know that when I set out to write Reclaimed Surrender, I would get an either white or black response from readers/reviewers? Yes, because there is no gray here. I didn’t explain the ‘why’ of what drives my characters to be the way they are – they just are – so this story is more a journey of sexual rediscovery between a committed D/s couple, than it is an explanation of how they became one.
That said I got my first review this week from Guilty Pleasures Book Reviews. Actually, I got two…from the same review site!!! I know, I thought that was pretty awesome, too. My first BDSM review and I was lured into a review ménage. How cool is that? Hehehe
Guilty Pleasures Book Reviewers – “What a beautiful story and an insightful look into the crucial difference between bdsm in the bedroom and bdsm as a lifestyle.”