**Disclaimer: If you listen to me you’re not a serial slush pile reject. Your nuts. Just sayin’
I found this photo and it reminded me of this post…
Watching the series I reminisced about my own ‘dear-to-my-heart’ feud. I still swoon over Honey when I think about it.
Here’s the situation. A new neighbor moved into the house that’s behind ours, but off on a diagonal (so not directly behind). Anyway, he moves in and the first weekend in his new home he sets out to cut down all the trees on his property. I thought it was a shame. I knew it was against city ordinance but hey, in the end it’s his place and if he wants to live in a desert-like environment, who am I to judge?
Unfortunately something bad happened. Our new neighbor went to the corner of our property and took a chainsaw to one side of our trees (presumably because the branches were growing over his property line). At first I actually felt bad for the guy because I knew when Honey got home and found out what had happened there would be hell to pay. I figured I could save some bloodshed if I went over and spoke to the guy first. By the time I got over there however, a County permits official had already visited, so when said neighbor answered his door he was spitting fire. He accused me of calling them. Two minutes into meeting the Jack*ss, I wished had. Needless to say, things didn’t go well. I can, um, be worse than Honey when provoked, and he was provoking. Oh, yeah. And right there and then he was off the list. As in? Dead to me.
When Honey got home and I conveyed all that happened he was smart enough to know there was nothing he needed to do because when someone’s off my list they know it. Case closed, and if the guy had any brains at all he would have steered clear of me and our property line until the end of days. *sigh* Just my luck. The guy not only proved to be an a**hole, but he was a stupid one at that.
Not two weeks after the tree incident he’s out cutting his grass and he comes across a fence board which had fallen off our JOINT fence and was now on his lawn. (I concluded that it had been knocked off when he was trimming those heavy branches off OUR tree) but that point’s immaterial. It’s what he did next that caused me to go ballistic. He picked the board up and tossed it over the fence yelling about how this was on his property. It hit my stag-horn fern (that some of Steven King’s harem live in) cutting it in two and knocking one of the napping squirrels to the ground. Not that this was enough to boil my blood (the plant would regrow and the squirrel was okay) but, it was the fact that Madge (my mom) had just stepped back from trimming the darn thing and could have been hit. I was livid. So, when Honey came home and I told him about this latest development he was thoughtful for a few minutes.
After a lengthy pause he says in this quiet voice, “I spoke to that guy last week and he was complaining about the age of the fence.”
I was stunned. “Are you #!*&ing kidding me?”
Honey slowly shook his head. “No, but I think he’s right. It is time to change the fence.”
I wanted to be speechless, but didn’t make it. “What?”
Honey smiled. “Leave it with me.”
When I saw that smile combined with wink I knew he had a plan. So I left it with him. Less than a week later I waited and watched as the new fence was installed. When 90% of the fence was in place I worried that he was going to give Mr. Sh*t-for-brains what he wanted until I saw Honey out there himself sweating over a section of the old fence. Yep, and it wasn’t until I watched Honey’s guys carry this ancient piece of haphazardly constructed fence panel to the corner of the property that it hit me.
Honey was an evil genius!
So here’s the deal. We have a gorgeous new shadow-box fence while Mr. Sh*t-for-brain’s side (thanks to his overly aggressive trimming of OUR trees) is left staring at what we’ve dubbed the hillbilly reckoning. His portion of ancient fencing looks like it’s missing a few teeth. Now to be fair, Honey did shore it up all those old boards. Really, really good. Yes, there’s no way any of those Swiss cheese boards are going to fall off now. Nope, Honey made sure to use a plethora of nails and staples so Mr. “S” will be able to enjoy his unobstructed view of the hillbilly fencing for many, many years to come.
I love Honey!
***Update*** Haha! To this day, the guy is still enjoying his “hillbilly” reckoning. Normally I’d feel bad about something like this, but then the neighbor directly beside him did something that assured me the guy was still a dick. Last year, Mr. S obviously pissed his other neighbor off so much, the neighbor extended his circular drive. Rumor has it, that Mr. S. was putting in a pool and he complained to the neighbor about how the neighbor’s teenage son always parks in a spot on his own driveway that interfered with Mr. S’s view of the golf course. Hm…I’m thinking he was as tactful with that guy as he was with me, because the neighbor? He pulled a permit to extend and widen his driveway. Heh! Now Mr. S gets to look at the neighbor’s car whenever he’s in his pool. So the picture of that hedge above? It’s brilliant and makes all kinds of sense to me.
***Second Update*** OMG!!! I was just telling Honey about re-posting this blog with an update. Do you know what he said? Well, here’s the conversation:
“Hey, I found this kick-ass picture of a hedge. I mean that literally. It’s a shrub shaped like a guy bending over presenting his ass to his neighbor. I thought if we ever take down our fencing we could plant and sculpt a whole line of them for Mr. S. I updated my blog post on the feud.”
Honey stood at the sliders and looked out toward the corner of the fencing that we can’t see, but Mr. S can. >:) and asks, “Did I ever tell you about the guy who lives beside him? The neighbor with extended drive?”
Here’s our view of the corner of the property. See no hillbilly fence can be seen.
“What about him?”
“He was the one who called the city over the trees. He thanked us.”
“For giving him the extended driveway idea. He loved what we did with the fence. I spoke to him last year, when he came by to get our signature of approval on his plans.” Honey turned to look at me with that devious smile of his that I love. “City required him to give notice of what he wanted to do to ten nearby neighbors. He had to get seven of us to approve it. He got nine with only one holdout.”
Honey nodded. “The guy is an island.”
“Without a view.” Proving my theory that you can’t fix stupid.