It occurred to me that I have had a run on beautiful and feisty heroines with their hunkier than hunkster heroes for far too long. So I’ve decided to deconstruct the romance novel. Yep, it’s true. Once a week on this blog I’m going to add a scene to my (I’m borrowing from Seinfeld here) bizarro world romance.
Here’s the deal. Normally a perfect title would be Beloved Captive, but not in bizarro world. I’m thinking… ah, Unloved Wanderer. Perfect. Now, *cracks knuckles* heroine’s attributes. In the real writing world my gals are usual of below-average height, curvy with nice sized breasts and features that are either adorable or stunning or in some cases both. In this bizarro world? I’m thinking this heroine has to be six two with a size fourteen shoe. Well, either that or the next size up, the box. She has numerous curves. Unfortunately they’re just not in the right places. Things that curve on her? Her spine, fingers and even toes that crookedly curl upward. As for her features? Easy. Rat-like beady eyes, Durante type big nose and lips so thin it looks like her face is eating them. That is, until she smiles and then her “could eat corn-on-the-cobb through a pick fence teeth” – that have nothing on Mr. Ed, make one realize those lips are to be commended for the job they do hiding all the snaggle.
Now, normally at this point in my writing process I would detail what kind of skin she has, hair color and some other super special things – mannerisms or habits, but I make it a point to leave those to my hero to introduce to the reader. <- This will be the X factor for my latest creation. I’m not going to name these things. I will simply let them unfold from one scene to the next.
Now for the hero. *takes deep breath* I’m thinking he has to be five foot one, a size six shoe and have soft little dove eyes. Maybe with the cutest pertly turned up nose and ruddy cheeks. I love me some ruddy cheeks. Instead of the cut bod with the six-pack stomach he’s going to remind one of the StayPuff Marshmallow Man, only like his dwarf, troll-worthy cousin. Same white skin, same lumpy physique, but think squashed…no, squat. Ooh, nothing spells smexxy to me better than a dough boy with head to toe muffin tops.
Um-kay, for the first scene next week? I’m thinking Larz (that’s the hero) spots Shermatta (his heroine who prefers to be called Sherm) at the local grocery store. It’s love at first sight for Larz when he spots this hulking, yet unique creature of loveliness, pawing her way through a bushel of avocados. Unlike the rest of the patrons he can’t turn away. He’s riveted by her linebacker moves and guttural grunts of dissatisfaction. This would explain why, when she snaps her head around and glares at him with those beady rat-like eyes he’s done for, because he’s always had a thing for rodents.
If you were writing this scene what would you incorporate? Or not?
Poor Larz… stay tuned.
This is my second BDSM post for the Playroom’s awesome hop! For the first post (click here). There’s lots of great comments, but whether you leave one here or there – I’ve got you covered to be entered into the giveaway. No worries.
BDSM BONDAGE ON A BUDGET…
Wow, say that fast three times. I got to thinking about this because I’ve been plotting a historical BDSM romance (think Marquis de Sade meets Jane Eyre) and well… All that came to mind in the toy department was rusty chains and unsanitary other things. Metal chastity belts? Blerg. I wouldn’t be caught dead in one. Wait, maybe I would. One wrong slip whilst walking by the moat and plunk, I’d sink to the bottom before I could shout, “Dear husband! The key. I need the…” Glug, glug, glug.
Anyway, one thing led to another and suddenly I was thinking about our stuff today. We’ve got lots of schmancy stuff. Metal and glass dildos. Vibrators that talk and not only come in various sizes, but different widths and colors. Actually, in my second BDSM novel Reluctant Surrender, my hero explains the pitfalls of breaking with traditional items. When he asks his heroine what color belt she’d like to be spanked with, her choices are brown, black and pink, and she picks the pink one. He takes it off the hook and snaps it before he patiently explains that the pink belt was a special order item and in future she should remember. If they are going to go through the trouble of special ordering an item, they’re going to want to get something for their money. Translation? The pink belt is thicker and heavier than the other two. *heheheh* Sneaky bastard.
Welp, we can’t all be fortunate enough to special order expensive items so I went on a search. Here’s my pick for best bondage on a budget item. A surf leash. Sure, scarves, ties, ropes, and pantyhose work, but for some high-quality cuffs, one needs to go no further than their local Surf Shop. Inexpensive and they make for great restraints. Think about it. One end is already made to attach to the board, so these are easy to install. The board is substituted for a piece of stabilized furniture. Bed post? Awesome. Door knob? Heck, yeah. Your honey’s belt loop? Why not? Just keep in that clever and dirty mind of yours that these are made with tumbling and thrashing in mind, so you can be as rough as you and your sweetie want to be. Just sayin’.
Ooh, and I came across this really cool…Well, never mind. I’ll save that for another BDSM blog hop post. 😉
All right, here’s an excerpt of my debut novel, Reclaimed Surrender, released Feb 9th
2012. In this snippet my hero Rene has instructed his wife (who he is trying to
get back on the BDSM track with) to text him from work and tell him in 150
words or less something sexual about the beginning of their relationship. He
tells her he wants it real, held to the word count and to have been something
that deeply resonated with her regarding their kind of kink. This is the very
first thing she thinks back on to text to him…
This is My hero, Rene
Taking another sip, she sighed and rolled her shoulders. As
the tension began to ease, she closed her eyes and relaxed just as Rene had
She concentrated on him and thought about his other
instructions. Warmed by the sunshine, she leaned back, sinking deeper into the
couch and mulled over what she could text to him about the beginning of their
The first thing that came to her was the movie theater. She
tried to envision that night. To recall the power of it. So innocent now that
she was able to view it through the distance of their rawer experiences together.
Even still, when the images began to surface she thrilled with the brief but
poignant chills that zipped through her.
They’d sat side by side in the theater that night. He’d let
her pick the movie. In the beginning, Rene was careful to let things evolve at
her pace and this was right at their very beginning, only their fifth date. It
was a time when she did nothing but think about him every minute of the day.
Watch her phone and wait for him to call and later lie in bed alone and imagine
him touching her. Even now she could practically smell his cologne. That unique
blend that he’d let her pick out for him on their third date, which turned out
to be the exclusive scent he wore during their intimate sessions. At the time,
she hadn’t known how solidly she’d connect with it or how much it would come to
mean to her. How she’d crave it. Thinking about it now made her restless.
With a deep breath she focused on the two of them in the
movie theater that night.
“Are you comfortable, Alexis?” he’d asked in that
authoritative tone of his. The one that made her insides melt and her heart
race under her rib cage.
“Yes.” She remembered she’d leaned toward him, until her
shoulder was pressed against his biceps. “Are you?”
He never answered. He just pushed his elbow out at an angle,
wordlessly directing her to slide her arm around his. When she had he’d
readjusted until she was captured and happy. Not wanting that moment to end
because she was sure that it didn’t get better than that, but Rene blew that
position out the water a few minutes later when he’d dropped his big hand to
her knee and squeezed her as if he knew all her secrets. The very idea had sent
blazing shots of electric tingles up her thigh, through her skin and penetrated
muscles deep into her core. That was the first time she’d felt anything in that
part of her body without actual physical stimulation being applied and the
realization had made her jerk. She probably would have made some excuse for the
sudden movement if Rene hadn’t reacted.
That was the first time he’d put his hand under her chin.
The first time he’d drawn her gaze up to meet his. The first time he’d looked
into her eyes and whispered a command that made her lightheaded and breathless.
“Open your legs for me.”