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June 21, 2014

Me, A Post It Note, And A Banana?

July 30, 2014

Honey's banana

EXHIBIT “A”

I could have titled this Honey’s banana, but I didn’t want to mislead anyone. Here’s the conversation so my picture makes sense. *Huffs bangs out of my eyes and thinks about where to begin* Okay, got it.

This is me, last night before I turned off the kitchen lights and headed to bed. “Oh man, I hope Mom has some bananas. That one looks like it’s ready for the freezer.” (I freeze the overripe ones to eventually make banana bread. I also like to eat a banana in the morning, but not overripe ones because I think they’re gross. Honey knows this about me)

“I’ll check when I bring over the paper.” (Wow, there’s a lot of background info I have to give you guys for this latest Honey stunt, isn’t there? My mom, otherwise known as Madge, lives in her own in-law suite that’s attached to our house. Honey built the addition in 2000 when my dad got sick, and now there’s only Mom. Now Madge? She’s spoiled because she doesn’t even have to collect the morning paper – Honey does that for her. *sigh* He really is a great guy, and this is probably why she loves him more than she loves me…but that’s another blog post, or two. *Thinks for a split second* Meh, it’s more like 22, so let’s not go there)

*Looks around* Where the hell was I going with this? Oh yeah, the banana.

As we head into our room, Honey says, “Shame about the banana though, it was a good sized one.”

Of course it was. Honey was the one who bought those suckers and I swear –SWEAR- he had to search high and low to find the longest bunch in the stand. I never commented on this when he brought them home, even though I wanted to.

“I know.” I sighed. “But it’s okay. I ate all the big ones.”

There I was thinking, heheheh, that’ll get him, but it really didn’t. To my surprise and disappointment, all he did was nod, so the subject was dropped…until this morning.

Honey goes over to give Mom the paper and then comes to sit down for our morning coffee. We chat about what we’re going to do for the day, and that’s when he tells me he rustled me up a banana. See? Sweet, right?

“I left a banana for you on top of the bread basket.”

We have a real basket for bread, so I nodded. “Thanks.”

That’s all that was said about it. I didn’t think another thing about the fruit until I went to the basket after he’d been gone for an hour or so, and that’s when I found them. (Refer to exhibit “A” a.k.a the picture, and in it…?) The two bananas. Notice the Post It Note is on the bigger one with the infamous line. “Think of me!”

LMAO. I wrote a note back to him and stuck it on his night table. And I quote.

“Here is the quintessential duality of man. Who would have thought that ageism could be so clearly represented by two bananas. One young and the other old. Question is, would I rather have the stubby, young, and fresh one, or the long, old and, well, not so fresh one? Think about that.”

Hahaha! Honey doesn’t like it when I draw comparisons on the male anatomy, but, come on! How could I pass up the opportunity? You are so right. I couldn’t. *Thinks for a moment, and then* At least I didn’t mention anything about the older one being tired, bruised, or mushy. I have to write tonight. I don’t have time to be spanked. *And predictably the wheels turn* But I might be able to pencil in some time to be proven wrong. Could be fun. Maybe I should add that last part to the note after all…

Riley, still debating. >:)


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Coming Soon!!!!

July 24, 2014

Bailey and Gunn

Here’s the blurb!

Stare Her Down

As an expert rigger, Gunn is the logical Dom to represent the club in the all-important bondage competition that will help out his friend. He thought he had the sub for the job, until she quit on him. Now he has to find an ideal replacement immediately.

Bailey wants the perfect bikini bod to capture the affections of her monumental crush. After a few margaritas, which prompted some sketchy decisions, she thinks Gunn can help her shape up. Didn’t a Dom equal Drill Sergeant?

Through her humor and Gunn’s stoicism, they find a precarious balance until the scales get tipped, but not in her favor. By the time she realizes her mistake, that a Dom is anything but a personal trainer, it’s too late because she’s literally tied up in a mess of her own making.

Securely caught in the rigger’s tangle, will she be able to break free and claim what she always wanted, or will her sexy and strict Dom stare her down until she accepts the truth? He’s all she ever needed…

This is a stand alone story, but if you haven’t read the first Stare Down novel and would like to, check it out by clicking the picture below.

StareMeDown-200x300


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Hey, If You Were Naked…

July 17, 2014

naked

Imagine me lying flat on my back in the dark in bed. My eyes are closed and I did the old, Oh God this feels like heaven, sigh thing already, so of course my eyes pop open when I hear the rest of what Honey asks. Here’s the conversation.

“Hey, if you were naked and stranded on a deserted island with a stranger-a man- what would be the biggest obstacle you had to face?”

I didn’t even have to think about that. “Explaining it to you.”

He laughed and then went right back to being serious. “No, say I was good with it.”

“So, this is a big fantasy?”

“Sure, but the island isn’t. It’s a real place filled with all kinds of problem. So tell me. What would be your biggest threat?”

“Is the strange man naked too?”

“Yes, I thought I said that.”

“Nope, so I guess him.”

He sighs and then comes upon elbow and looks down at me. “He’s got more important things to do than trying to put the moves on.”

“Oh really?” I’m just yanking his chain at this point because, you know, it’s fun. “What could be more important to a guy than passing up a naked woman?”

“Surviving. Do you have an answer?”

I closed my eyes and pretended like this topic really interested me. New flash, in terms of interesting me? Yeah, that would be filed under I’d rather talk about the Argentine Lake duck. Probably a bad analogy as I would. Really. Did you know those drakes have penises that are as long as their bodies? 17 inches! It’s shaped like a corkscrew and not only does the end have a brush-like surface to swipe aside any previous mater’s intimate deposits *wink, wink* but if the female tries to run away from her new suitor it’s used to lasso her. That’s talent. But I digress. Back to Honey waiting for an answer. “Let’s see…If I were naked on a deserted island and sex was off the table I’d have to say I would want some thick leaves strapped to my feet and mud slathered all over my body. One,” I held up a finger, “for modesty, and two,” I made a peace sign, “it would deter the insects from eating me alive, I think.”

Wow, I probably should have told him the duck story, but then where had I learned those phenomenal need to know facts? Yep, Honey and his documentaries, so I guess I was pretty much screwed while I listened to him go in depth on the subject of surviving naked in the wild.

*insert me doing the grocery shopping list, picking an outfit to wear in the morning, working on Halloween costume ideas, birthday presents and trying to imagine how that small duck rolls that schlong up so it fits in his abdomen here* *sigh* Now I was completely at a loss when Honey said.

“Makes sense, right?”

I did the big yawn before I answered, “I guess. But then what do I have to worry about? If I’m ever stuck in the wild naked I’m sure you’ll be there and the most I’ll be worrying about is how long it’s taking you to light a fire, find food and build me a modest abode with indoor plumbing. Oh and a view. If we’re on an island I’d want the whole panoramic thing.”

“You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?”

I wasn’t going to lie. “No.”

I squirmed when he leaned over me and bent to speak real husky-like in my ear. “Tell me what you were thinking about while I was saving us from the perils of the wild.”

I was still squirming because he was sort of tickling me too. “A drake.”

It was as if I pushed him over. He fell back to his side of the bed so fast. “Who the *uck is Drake? Another new hero of yours?”

Did I mention that Honey doesn’t like me to bring my heroes into bed with us? Well, he doesn’t. So it’s my turn to lean up on elbow and shadow over him. “Not Drake, but a drake.”

He looks at me. “A duck?”

I popped my eyebrows at him. “A duck with a seventeen inch dick.”

That’s when he grabs me and drags me right on top of him. “You are such a pervert. I love that.”

And there I was left thinking for only a few seconds because, you know…well…that only Honey would consider the matter of a duck’s dick a perfect segue into…well, you know. ;) And can I just say, I LOVE that!

Haha!

Riley


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Let’s Shake Things Up A Bit!

July 14, 2014

watchmecoverart

Anybody out there want to win something AWESOME? Here are the rules. First thing you have to do is share this post. Please with sugar on top?  Next thing you need to do is hop on over and like both Riley Murphy and Jettie Woodruff’s author page with the links provided. Following me? Okay, here’s the fun part. Go take the quiz and comment on your score plus done below. I’ll be picking a random winner and Jettie will pick another on Friday by five pm eastern.

Here are the links! Just click on the pics! Good luck!New photo 2013 (2) (511x800)Riley

 

jettie

Jettie

Here’s the quiz:

tn_240_LUSTYJust click him…unfortunately he doesn’t come with the kindle either. *snap*

Before you go, can I just say, those UK gals are dirty-birdies! I scored and 8 out 10. Man, I want to meet the individual who scores a perfect 10. Maybe buy them a drink and pick their filthy brains. Lol!

Riley

 


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You Can’t Do That All Day!

July 9, 2014

UP LOAD TO WEB

The above picture? This is what I mean about that. Actually what Honey means, only it translates to write about sex. Here’s the conversation.

Honey jumping into a topic he figures is easy-breezy, but, you know with me that’s never the case. When is he going to learn? “So, what were you working on today?”

I didn’t even blink. “Stare Her Down. The rope scene with the two Doms.” I then proceed to go into detail- hey, he asked. :)

“You’ve got to be (insert bucking with an “f” in front of it here) kidding me. That’s what you wrote all day?”

I nodded, even though truthfully, it only took me a few hours to nail the scene. Meh, I was more invested in Honey’s shocked expression to tone down the exact timeframe.

“You can’t do that all day.”

Yeah, I’m hearing those crickets too. Because, let’s face it, how can an erotic romance writer do her work without writing about sex? “Yeah, *I give him a sorry-about-your-luck look* I’m pretty sure I have to if I want to complete a story.”

“All day you’ve been thinking about that stuff?”

In my head I was quite insulted, thinking, well not all day, but then I thought about something else. I thought about what he does on a daily basis. It would be crazy for me to suggest he stop thinking about contracting crap all day. It’s his job, right? Just like penning smexxy is mine. *insert me doing the Yeah! YEAH! Cheerleading toward his takedown dance here* now *insert me flicking my hair and doing the nose tilt to the ceiling thing* “I wouldn’t say I’ve been thinking about it all day. I did have to stop and do research. I had to comb through graphic pictures that were–” *insert an over-the-top dreamy sigh here* “nothing short of miraculous in most cases. I can only hope to be able to capture in words some of the scenes I encountered. Hot? Don’t ask. Why I was so turned on I had to stop halfway through and…”

Bah! From there I went on a little sexy diatribe, completely fabricated and heavily embellished just to freak him out. My bad. No really it was my bad, because I didn’t count on his totally male reaction. *Insert me huffing the hair from my eyes and looking right at you* By the time I was done pulling his leg he was definitely looking for me to pull on something else. Man, that’ll teach me to mess with him on the topic.

*Thinks for a millisecond* Wait, now that I think about it? Things worked out pretty darn good for me in the end. So *taps index fingernail on front tooth and stares up at the ceiling* How shall I mess with him today? Poor Honey… heheheh!

Riley


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