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August 2nd 2016

Honey, Honey, Honey. HONEY!

March 10, 2017

Okay, when reading that title you’re supposed to sing it to the tune of, Money, money, money. Money!

Why?

Because Honey is priceless. 😉

Example?

Absolutely, I’m so glad you asked.

Imagine me and Honey lying next to each other in bed. The two of us are staring at the ceiling in the dark, when he whispers, “Are you sleeping?”

*Looks right at you* WTH? We just got into bed, so unless he laced my water with Rohypnol, or knocked me over the head with a brick…? “Nope.”

“Can I ask you something about space? And, I’m begging you, babe, please don’t go off on the topic about how you think we’ve been played by NASA and there’s more going on in our universe than the Space guys are telling us, okay?”

*And now I’m staring owl-eyed at you –kicking my feet in frustration because you guys know me well enough to know that this will never happen without a huge amount of restraint on my part.*

I take a deep breath and deliver the biggest lie ever. “Sure.”

“Ready?”

Honey’s so cute. “Shoot.”

Do you think getting it on in zero gravity would be better than in regular old gravity? Say, an intense vertical floating-in-limbo Mumba for hours?”

I invoke the mighty snow globe here!

Bah! You see? This is why I love Honey. Instead of me launching into the oodles of bones I have to pick with NASA over them “just now” finding seven planets – SEVEN planets! So what? Did they all of a sudden remember to dust off their Hubble telescope? — but yep, I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah. Instead of talking about being ripped off, I was lying there trying to work out the logistics of Honey’s brilliant question. Any of you guys ever thought of space in those terms? Yes? No? Whatcha think about that major 7 planet discovery? Here’s the link if you didn’t see it on the news. Inquiring mind wants to know.

Now for the continuation of our build-a-giveaway. This is what we’ve got so far. (click here) to view.

And this is what we’re adding.

It’s a great game to play with adults and kids. You have to drop the metal ball into the best planet spot. It’s not easy. My suggestion? Buy some cheap scratch-off lottery tickets and challenge the kids to compete to win one them. *Leans in to whisper* If you don’t have the kids for the night? No problem. Sometimes Honey and I play games like this for other kinds of prizes.

*Taps index fingernail on front tooth and thinks not at all* Ah…like the loser has to do all the winners chores the next day.

*Bursts out laughing and lifts a brow at you*

Like I’d every play that game. ‘Nuff said.

Hey, don’t look at me like that. I’m still thinking about that zero gravity hook-up. Talk about out of this world!

Exciting times, right? 7 new planets! Have you seen any of NASA’s patches? Interestingly enough, there are 7 stars/planets on them dating back to the 60’s, but I promised Honey I wasn’t going to “go there”. One question, though. I know. Sorry. I can’t help myself.

Were the patch makers psychic or was it a major coinkydink with the 7? Yeah, yeah, I told you, I drive Honey nuts. Fortunately, that fits right in with my evil plans on how I want to spend the rest of my days here on earth. Sucks to be him, poor guy. >:D

Here are a few of the patches. See what I mean?

Wow, it’s been too long. I’ve missed you guys!

Alrighty, you know the drill. If you are a subscriber you’re already entered into the drawing, but if you leave a comment on all the “build-a-giveaway posts” (I think we’re at three and should go to five so keep checking back) your name gets added to the hat for the drawing. With each additional comment. More chances to win. Yay.

Good luck!

My thought for today given that we’re talking about space? I believe the majority of people on this planet prefer to live in a peaceful world, so let’s remove the obstacles and get it done!

So exciting! I understand there are many more innovative technologies to be released over the next few years. Don’t know how they’ll stack up to Honey’s 7 minutes in inertia heaven idea, but I’m thrilled at the prospect, non-the-less.

As always, thanks for stopping by!

Riley


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***COMING SOON*** PERMIT ME***

February 6, 2017

This is Caleb White and Genevieve Talbot’s story.

She saved his life and in return, she wants his hand in marriage

EXCERPT

Smack! Slap!

Silence for several seconds and then…?

Smack! Slap!

With a scowl, he sat forward and put his cell down on the end table. Then he collected his cane and got up to go investigate. The minute he exited his room, his scowl deepened.

He’d been right about the sound. It was a slap/smack combo. But what the ever-living-hell was the woman doing?

He blinked.

Scratch that. What was she wearing?

Right now Genevieve stood with her back to him giving him a perfect view. And what a view. The globes of her ass shone right through the sheer black bikini undies she had on. Her hair and shirt were wet, while she seemed to be waiting. No, collecting herself, for what, though?

“Come on, come on, come on.” That’s all she said when she shook her arms out at her sides as though she was shaking off water and then took a running jump at her bedroom door frame. Caleb didn’t know what to ogle first. Her legs, nice and shapely, her ass, nice and curvy, or her chest that bounced, despite the wet T-shirt clinging to her torso. He went with the latter as she landed abruptly facing him, only a few feet further from him now.

Her nipples were so hard they clearly showed through the tissue-thin material of her top.

“Oh!” She gasped. “Caleb, I didn’t know you were there.”

It took all the strength he had to tear his gaze away from her breasts, but when he did he was struck by how calm she was. It pissed him off because currently a massive amount of heightened adrenaline was ripping through him. His every instinct was to hunt, capture, and claim. “What are you doing?”

Her serene expression vanished, and in its place was concern. “Do you have a cold? Are you sick? You sound a little hoarse.”

No. Not ill. His frustration just made him sound as if he’d swallowed some glass. “I asked you a question.”

“I got locked out. I’ve been trying to reach the pin at the top of the door to open it.”

He glanced at the pinnacle of the door frame and immediately spotted the silver object laying there. Without a word he stepped forward, reaching for it. “Here,” he said, and when she accepted the needle-like object with a smile, he frowned. “Mighty convenient that you got locked out of your room in a wet T-shirt and a pair of see-through underwear.”

He turned and had taken no more than a few steps when he heard the pop of the lock sound before her door bashed against an inside wall. Clearly, she’d opened it. “And what is that supposed to mean, Caleb?”

He stopped and pivoted back around to face her. She was probably used to the men in her life who ate this kind of manipulative shit up. Not him. “That you purposely dressed that way to entice me.”

She glared and then lifted her chin. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

He blinked.

She glared harder.

What was going on here? This was the part where she was supposed to apologize for pulling this kind of submissive sexist thing on him. “Apologize.”

“Alright.” She may have agreed, but it didn’t sound like it. In fact, it didn’t look like it either when her eyes sparkled with hellfire. “I’m sorry that the skies opened up and I had to run outside to save the hay I bought for the roses. Far be it from me to spoil your…your…your hall walking with my scanty attire because I slipped in the muddy patch in the vegetable garden and after I left my pants in the laundry room downstairs to wash later, I came up here to find my door locked. If only it hadn’t been raining. If only my pants hadn’t been so muddied. If only my door hadn’t been locked and if only I’d been a foot and half taller like you so I could reach this—” She threw the pin at him, and while he let go of his cane to catch it she finished her speech rather calmly, “Then you could have walked down these halls without being offended by my see-through lingerie.”

She hadn’t moved a muscle to hide any part of herself or her less than modest attire. So even though he was irritated that she was getting to him, he did respect her unbending confidence. “It wasn’t your kick-ass panties that I found offensive. It’s your flying-in-the-face of no modesty when you’re around me that puts a burr under my saddle. Aren’t you supposed to be a sub for Christ’s sakes?”

One minute he was growling out that nonsensical question and in the next, he moved forward. He didn’t know what he was going to do until he did it.

He dropped the metal pin, trying to ignore the small ting it made when it hit the hardwood, and pulled her in his arms. She was cold. He felt the goose bumps riding her flesh and when he bent and captured her mouth with his, he imagined her chill being chased away by the flames that licked at him.

Hot and consuming.

She melted so beautifully against him that he wanted more. He wanted her closer. Pressed against— “Fuck.”

They abruptly hit the wall when his leg gave out. Fortunately, he was able to cushion the jarring move, at least for her when he made sure his body stayed between her and the wall.

This was not how things were supposed to go on so many levels. It wasn’t.

He tried to temper his growl but failed.

“No. Caleb. Wait…”

But it was too late. Already he managed to set her apart from him when he bent to pick up his cane. He was halfway to his room when she raised her voice. She’d never raised her voice to him before. Not even a few moments ago when she was furious over his accusation. It brought him up short and made him stop and turn. He opened his mouth, ready to tell her he had to go. That she had to leave him alone, but then he saw that wet T-shirt, those nicely rounded breasts cradled so spectacularly in the revealing fabric and words he hadn’t counted on uttering sailed right off his tongue. “Take it off.”

She did.

One arm crossed over the other when she found the hem of her shirt and lifted. Her breasts bounced, hypnotizing him as she dropped the garment to the floor. He didn’t want to move, so only his eyes did when their gazes met.

Calm. She was the very epitome. Hang on. There was an odd gleam in her eyes.

Was she silently challenging him? He didn’t think so, but he had to ask. “Why did you do it?”

She raised a brow, and he loved it.

“I meant, why did you take off your top?”

Not one drop of hesitation in her reply, “Because you told me to.”

That hit him like a trough of smelling salts under the nose. “I’m not your sir.”

“Good thing, Caleb. I would hate to have to point out to my sir how he’d just insulted me.”

She bent, snatched up her top, and walked into her room. Although he was a good five feet away he still felt as if she’d slammed the door in his face. What the actual fuck? How had he insulted her?

She was crazy.

But then as he made his way back to his own room with visions of her without her top and those sexy bikini bottoms on, and he realized two things. Any man leaving a woman who looked like her standing alone when she was half naked and willing was insulting, and too, the fact that he had? Made him the crazy one. Not her.

Damn…

(END)

We’re working on a release day “Build-a-giveaway”! Have you seen these guys? They’re salt and pepper shakers. Caleb bought a set for Genevieve because she makes him do “Chopped” kitchen nights in the story – so I’m giving a set away.

Next up to add to the build-a-giveaway is a 25.00 Amazon gift card!

We have a couple of more weeks where I will be adding some great things, so be sure to subscribe (if you haven’t already) when you do you’re automatically entered for a chance to win. But then if you leave a comment each time I add a new blog with a new item I add your name again to the hat for more chances to win!

Thanks for stopping by and check this out! It’s the latest teaser.

Riley

 


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#1 BESTSELLER FOR KW CONTEMPORARY! ME WITH PINK HAIR & A BUILD-A-GIVEAWAY!

February 1, 2017

So, um…you notice anything different about me? LOL! When THE WILD ONE started to move on Amazon’s Bestselling list Honey told me that it would reach #1. I said, “No Way.”

To which he responded, “Yes way!”

That’s when we decided to settle the dispute in a very adult and mature way. If I won he had to go to the corner of the street in our neighborhood with a sign that read, MY WIFE IS ALWAYS RIGHT AND I SHOULD NEVER MAKE A BET WITH HER, or if he won, I swore to post two pictures of me in the pink hair. *Looks right at you* long story about the pink hair, but I’ll give you the Reader’s Digest version. I bought the hair to surprise Honey – unfortunately, when it came it was more neon than a pale pink, so it surprised him alright! Especially when I flicked on the black light. Heheh.

I look so sad, don’t I? I was. You wanna know why? It was the first time I ever put on false eyelashes. If you look real close you’ll see one of them landed half way up my lid and got glued there. *Shakes head* I have a whole new respect for women who put those suckers on more than once in a lifetime, I can tell you that. Oh, and I put on the black shirt so I’d be a floating neon head when Honey was treated to the black light effect. Sounds awesome, doesn’t it?

Yeah, no, it wasn’t. Trust me. Poor Honey. 😀

OKAY! Now for the exciting news. My story that is part of the phenomenal Queen of erotic romance Desiree Holt’s Omega Team series, THE WILD ONE hit the #1 spot in Amazon’s Bestsellers for Kindle World for contemporary romance and you guys know what that means. We need to celebrate!

Don’t you think we should start our build-a-giveaway? I’m almost ready to release my next big story, PERMIT ME, but what the heck? Why not start the giveaway building early, right?

So, the first item in our giveaway is going to be something that my next hero, Caleb, buys for his heroine, Genevieve, when she makes him play “Chopped Kitchen”.  You see, he doesn’t cook anything but steak, so she makes him up a basket of ingredients two nights a week and tells him to plan a menu and cook with the items she’s given him. LMAO. The poor bastard. Genevieve doesn’t make it easy on her alpha male.

*Thinks about all their shenanigans and then dreamily sighs* Ah, good times.

This is Iggy & Wiggy! Aren’t they adorable? They’re salt and pepper shakers.

These two officially kick off our next build-a-giveaway!

This is the box they come in.

Yay! You guys know the rules. If you subscribe to my blog, your name is automatically in the hat. But with each new comment you leave on the next few blogs when I post more items to add to our giveaway, I will add your name again for more chances to win!

So, *props chin in palm* anyone got a fun story to share about sprucing up one’s significant other’s relationship expectations? I have another one I’ll share if you do – but no pictures this time because I’d *cough, cough* get arrested. >:)

As always thanks for stopping by!

Riley


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The Blind, The Deaf, and A Determined Alpha Male…

January 16, 2017

 

I bet you can’t guess where this is going. *thinks for exactly a half of a second and then deadpans at you* NOT! You guys know for sure this is going to be a classic Honey story!

*Shrug*

That’s why I love you. *Rubs hands together* Okay, where to start?

Last night Honey made dinner because of the deal we carved out long ago. It goes something like this. If I call the in-laws and speak to them at length, he does the cooking and taking care of Madge (my mom). A fair trade, right? I mean while I have an interesting discussion with my MIL, he’s putting together our hunk of meat with two sides of carbohydrates. Yeah, he’s never gotten the corn and baked potato combo right, and quite frankly, I’m getting too old to fight about such things. There are only so many times you can say, “Put some frigging greens on the plate!” Before you silently say to yourself “Screw the salad. I’ll skip the taters.”

Hey, do you guys want to see how the in-law game works in our house? It goes like this:

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Kidding. We love our jack- *cough, cough* in-laws!

But to get back to Honey and Madge. After I finish with my conversation with his family, I head into the kitchen which is connected to our family room. And what do I find besides the double carbs cooking and the BBQ outside the window smoking away? Honey and Madge discussing the movie he’s put on for my mom.

I love Madge, but it would be remiss of me not to tell you that in her earlier years (those I will categorize as every day before she turned eighty-five) she was a piece of work. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while you might remember some of the Madge capers. If not, let me assure you. The woman could have put the CIA, FBI, and sneaky little spying aliens in yonder deep-space a run for their flying saucers. Now, however, she’s lost a little steam in the comprehension department. It doesn’t slow her down, which is frightening for me, but it is sad when she’s watching a movie or something because we get a clear picture into the world she now lives in. It’s a place that makes it hard for her to connect certain dots.

But not to worry. Honey is always there to the rescue. Nice and scary at the same time. Check this out. He put on a romantic comedy for her to watch and when she didn’t get the simple boy-meets-girl plot with added conflict for a grand resolve, I hear Honey explaining when the characters wind up in a heated embrace behind some drying bed sheets hanging in a yard.

“Yeah, it’s okay, because they were married before. They didn’t have any kids and it had been a while since they met up again.”

As I’d seen the movie before, there is me thinking, That’s not right.

And Madge nodding. “Good. I was wondering why the two of them were so frisky for each other.”

Then Honey starts to dig in deeper with his explanation of things and even I’m enthralled. By the time he was done speaking about all kinds of events that purportedly happened to this couple – a robbery that had happened at some point bringing this couple together, the kidnapping of one of their dogs, being abducted by aliens, the car chase, and the natural disaster they had lived through only to be separated in the end by their differing dreams, my jaw was resting on the floor. For a second I thought he was gas-lighting my mom when I wasn’t around, and maybe she wasn’t legitimately losing her marbles. But then I noticed something. My mom was paying attention to the movie now with more focus and enthusiasm. That’s when it hit me. Honey had rewritten the script to get her invested.

Oh sure, he’d borrowed themes from Natural Born Killers, Independence Day, Bengi, Gone In Sixty Seconds, and Dante’s Peak, but did that matter if the end result was Mom being engaged in this couple’s journey? I didn’t think so until I heard her ask.

“Where’s the dragon?”

Aaaaand, that’s when I did a double-take. Dragons? Seriously? *Looks right at you* They were watching The Wedding Planner!

Honey didn’t miss a beat. “You see? You’re not the only one around here who’s forgetful. The dragons aren’t in this movie. I just realized that those guys are going to show up in the sequel.”

Listening to my mom tell Honey that it was okay. That she knew how tough it was to forget, my heart smiled, you know? But then he started to tell her about this sequel that never was and I realized the man was nuts. Somehow his dragons had morphed into the Land Before Time, but if my mom noticed he was mixing up the dinosaur/dragon thing she never said a word. She just made him promise that when it came out, he’d buy it for her.

Aw…I waited a minute or two and then I went to give him a hug. While I did, I closed my eyes and whispered to him, “I love your version of movies for Mom.”

And he whispered back, “Great because I have a really dirty version of Last Tango in Paris I’m going to share with you, later on tonight.”

Bah! Me thinks the man was put on this earth to drive me crazy! Meh, I’m not going to complain. Why? This is what I love best about him.

Which got me to thinking…If you guys get nothing else from my blog posts and stories, I hope you get this one thing. We are all connected in amazing ways to the people around us, that has nothing to do with business, politics, race, or gender, but there is one thing we all have in common that we can’t escape. A worldview. I’m privileged enough to share mine with you through my stories and blog posts, so I hope you know it goes something like this.

Time is precious because it’s finite.

Love is consuming because it touches the soul.

But, yeah, if I was going to give you the Reader’s Digest version of such Homely-Philosopher-deep ponderings 😀 I’d liken people to crayons. Oh, don’t look at me like that. Work with me here. People are like crayons because they each have their own shade to color their world with. My favorite color is blue. Why? It’s the canvas of the sky that’s filled with limitless possibilities.

I asked Honey what his favorite color was and he said green. When I asked him why he told me it reminded him of the forest.

You see? Our worldviews are different. While I tended to take our children out to the backyard on a Sunday morning to stretch out on lawn chairs and play “catch a cloud and tell me what shape it is”, Honey would choose to take the kids on a long nature walk through the forests he loves.

The takeaway here? If we both shared the same worldview our children would never know these two vastly different ways of exploring the world around them. Different is good. That’s what makes people unique. If we all had the same thoughts and motivations driving our similar ideas, the concept of being “limitless” would cease to exist.

Just my .02.

*Leans in to whisper to you* Doesn’t mean I don’t think playing a game of catching clouds blows examining twigs and rocks in a forest, out of the water. 😉 It just means, I would never denigrate or prejudge my children for voicing their joy to me over one way, or the other. Why? Simple. Mutual respect. This is their journey in life, not mine.

Oh, and, I don’t just play catch the clouds. I also play find the face, man, or structure in items around my house. Here are a few examples. True story!

Remember these?

*sigh* I miss my ice dick maker machine. I never should have replaced it. No fun! 🙁

Then remember this guy?

I miss him too! Doo-Doo devil guy. Did I mention my father-in-law spent a whole afternoon erasing him when my MIL and I went shopping? 🙁

And now this.

Can you see the face made of out of the wrinkle in the fabric? Yep, yes, that would be me. There I am walking along and I see the face today, and I run to get the camera. Haha! If it ain’t clouds…

So, *props chin in palm and bats eyelashes at you* what color in the crayon box makes you happy?

As always thanks for stopping by!

Oh, and Permit Me is in the final stages before release, so I think we should start our build-a-giveaway soon. Can’t wait!

Riley


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Ménage à trois, HONEY, AND A CUCUMBER…

January 3, 2017

downloads356

 

A Valentine for Two: Contemporary Menage Box Set by [Davis, Lia, Dawson, Angelica, Skye, Auriella, Wylde, Sara, Reeve, TL, Carr, Cassandra, Morgan, Nicole, Kuhn, N, Brent, Amy, Quinn, Dylan]

 

A little 2017 surprise! This is my smoking hot ménage story that is set to release on Valentine’s Day. I’m in this anthology with a whole bunch of talented authors! Lia Davis
Angelica Dawson, Auriella Skye, Sara Wylde, TL Reeve, Cassandra Carr, Dylan Quinn, Nicole Morgan, N Kuhn, Amy Brent.

The collection is up for preorder on Amazon – just click the picture above if you want to nab this while it’s on sale for 0.99 cents! What a deal!

Honey taking down the tree

 

Now For Honey who was home for the holidays. *Looks right at you* Home. With. Me. *Shakes head* Here’s how that went…

Man, I couldn’t let this one go. Seriously. You’ll see why in a minute. Let us call this little Honeyism, “The Way Things Were!”

Why you may ask? Simple. Life has changed for me in a big way.

How you may ask? Easy. I have learned how to use the text to speech application on my phone.

*Deadpans* If you don’t have this ability ask Santie Claus to bring you a new phone with this magic on it as a post-holiday present. Holy moly! Life changing is understating what this new feature has done for me (not really new – but much like the car navigation system that I never learned how to use correctly) this speech thing is awesome!!!

Example? Honey had to visit a couple of job sites over the holidays, so one particular time I suggested that he stop at the grocery store on his way home. Only? I discovered he forgot the grocery list I’d written for him on the counter.

No problem.

I did my nifty microphone text magic but, um, *cough, cough* It occurred to me whilst I was doing it that I could have some fun here. Heheheheh.

The list went something like this:

Milk

Eggs

Sour cream

(I listed a few more various general items here)

Then I get to the vegetables:

Tomatoes

One thick, long, devoid of any prickly nubs, cucumber. Make sure it’s weighty in your palm, and for heaven’s sake, when you get home don’t put it in the fridge. I like my darling vegetable to be warm to the touch.

Spring onions

Oh, and PLEASE don’t forget the paper towels

*Insert an hour going by and then Honey calls me*

“Hey, babe. Got your text.”

I can barely contain myself with glee. “Yeah.”

“And I was a little confused about one of the items so I asked George.”

My glee started to fade. “George?”

“The produce manager. Hang on…”

I hear Honey talking to some guy about…about…??? Nubs! OMG, right?

He gets back on the cell to talk to me. “Yeah, George assured me the nubby cukes are for pickling and not very big. After I showed him your text he helped me find the perfect one only…”

Only? Only I was going to brain Honey when he got home for traumatizing the poor grocery guy. “What?” Yeah, no glee now. Glee was all gone.

“He suggested you might like an English cucumber. The skin is thin and he says his chick digs those.”

His chick??? Digs? You notice how you can jumble those words around – as in take the ‘D’ off of digs and replace the ‘ch’ in chick with it? Unbelievable. Without missing a beat I said, “No thanks. They’re too skinny. I like length and girth, but don’t tell your new buddy that because he might be offended if his woman is into the skinny ones.”

Honey’s voice drops to a very intimate tone. “Riley, Riley, Riley. What am I going to do with?”

I knew what I was going to do with him. I was planning on smacking him over the head with the cucumber once he got it home. The gigantic rat.

“George’s girl is a vegan chef. That’s why she prefers the English version. Easier to cut. What did you have in mind, babe?”

What indeed? Dammit. Foiled again. 😉 *Thinks for a moment* Wait. I did get back at him over this on New Year’s. We had a few neighbors and family over to our place for dinner. Haha! I asked Honey to smoke some hot Italian sausages on the smoker for one reason only. Whenever I heard anyone comment on how great they were (I served them sliced as an appetizer before dinner with a really great sauce) I’d call to that person and say, “Oh, yes! I love, love, LOVE, Honey’s sausage.” Bah, ha, haaaa…! Drove him crazy for a time. Gotta love that.

 

Then we had our year end garage battle royale! This is a game we play that well…it goes something like this.

Honey is bored while he’s on holiday. He goes out to the garage and then comes in from said garage and pleasantly breezes, “Babe. I’m going to throw out those lamps that have been—”

Me not even looking up from kindle. “No.”

“But.”

“Nope.”

“Do we need to revisit the sunglass debacle?”

If you’d like to do that, here’s the link. Me not so much.

“Nope. I like those lamps.”

He usually huffs out an aggravated breath at this point and then starts growling. “Which ones? There’s twelve or more out there.”

*Cue my kindle lowering and me looking at him over my reading glasses* “I like all of them. Everyone. Why else would I have bought them?”

Ah…good times. He runs through every reason he believes I’m a hoarder who is trespassing on his domain. Who knew men get the exclusive use of the garage? Not me. Hence me using it to store my purchases. And then what do I do? Yeah, I get to tell him I’ll be saving him thousands of dollars when we one day use those lamps in rooms I shall light up with my thrifty purchases from yester-year.

*Looks right at you* I don’t know what I’d do if a year came and went without this annual showdown between us. I probably miss it…NOT!

And then there were a few surprises like…

The night I walked into the family room and found him watching Wheel Of Fortune on the tube. Honey doesn’t do shows like that so I asked him, “What gives with the game show?”

Without looking at me he shrugged. “Maybe tonight’s the night poor Pat blows his brains out from the never ending monotony. I wouldn’t want to miss that.”

I had to chuckle. “What about Vanna.”

“If she hasn’t had a slip and fall from those ghastly gowns by now, I’m pretty sure she’s got an angel watching over her.”

Of course there’s the opportunity for Honey to solve age old problems because he now has the time to do it being home for the holidays.

“Babe, I think I’m going to get up on the roof and…”

Me thinking we have company coming in less than an hour. “Nope.”

Next day.

“Babe, I thought I’d change the oil in your car…”

Me thinking to save what? 49 bucks, as opposed to a potential oil spill on our very expensive, interlocking bricked patio? “Nope.”

Next day.

“Babe, your mom wants another birdhouse and I thought…”

*Looks right at you and raises a dubious brow* The woman has three of them and not one feeds the birds. The fruit rats and squirrels? Oh yeah.

I sigh. “That’s sweet of you, but no.”

Next day.

“Babe, did you notice the dryer making a funny squeaking noise? I thought I’d take it apart and use some WD40…”

At this point, I was like, what the hell am I going to do with this man so I can get my story done? Then it came to me. “No I did not notice that, but funny you should say. Our girl was complaining about her dryer just last week. She also mentioned something about some loose shingles on her roof.”

“Really?”

And that was the end of that. Honey drove down to her place and all I got was a text. Not from Honey, but from our girl. This is the conversation.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

Me. “I know you were.”

“Dad’s made me go to Home Depot twice.”

“I’m sure he has.”

“Okay. How long do I have to babysit him for you? Just tell me and I’ll plan accordingly.”

I thought about this and then texted back. “Until I finish this threesome.”

“You do know if anyone read our text conversations they’d think we were bad people.”

“No, they’d think I was a sexual deviant and you were being abused.”

“I am being abused. Dad’s talking about changing the front windows!!! How long is dad off work?”

“Mom?”

“MOM???”

*Insert a dreamy sigh here* Again. Good times.

Which brings me to the holiday itself. We had a fab time. Lots of visiting, gifts, and making merry. Normally, I don’t talk about this kind of stuff, but Honey got me something very special this year.

Although I loved seeing the Tiffany boxes under the tree because how can you go wrong with jewelry from there, right? It was this that made me cry.

The WTF snow globe he found for me! Look! Yay!

photo-2-72

 

He bought it from someone. Whether it was a client or from an auction site I don’t know, but the fact that he remembered and went out of his way, means a lot to me. Later on, Christmas night when I told him that I knew he spent a lot on the jewelry, but the snow globe was my favorite present this year, he gave me a big hug and whispered, “That f*cking globe was just as costly, believe me.”

Haha! Poor guy. Meh, not so poor because I spoiled him this year, too.

So? *props chin in palm, and looks right at you* Did you have a great holiday and New year? Are you guys ready for 2017?I know I am. I’ve got a boat load of books to write!

I know I am. I’ve got a boat load of books to write! Can’t wait!

As always, thanks for stopping by!

Riley


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