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The last thing this rough-around-the-edges guy wants to be is a Dom…until she calls him sir.
August 29th 2017

Tell Me Some Lies…& More of Our Build-a-Giveaway!

October 9, 2017

 

I had to post this one since I was laughing my butt off over it.

There I am driving home from the store, mulling over what to blog about and I think: SEX.

Oh, don’t look at me like. It’s fun to write about, at least for me. 😀 But I digress, because my second thought was, you’re always writing about sex on account of your books.

*Insert me tapping my front tooth here as I ponder*

What to write about…?

And that’s when I had one of those crazy-eight kind of thought streams. I started thinking about the heroine in my story, Permit Me. About how she was always trying to do the right thing and after about twenty random other thoughts this came to me.

Always tell the truth.

And there I was sitting at the red light waiting for the green, thinking. I always tell the truth. I’m a good person. I—

Yes, my thoughts did a double-take. Haha! They went back to “I always tell the truth.”

There’s me thinking. OMG, if I always told the truth – if we always told the truth, what would happen?

*Looks right at you*

We’d wind up killing each other.

*Leans in to whisper for clarity*

That would be figuratively, not literally.

And, of course, I’m talking exclusively about Honey and me. But walk with me a second and let me explain about the levels of truth.

Level one is the smile you maintain while you tell your host that dinner was wonderful even though you stuffed half of your meal in your pocket because you couldn’t stomach a bite of it – but you didn’t want to hurt his/her feelings.

Level two lie, I’ll call the look away. It’s the one where you pin the ding on the new car on a runaway grocery cart, instead of on the pillar you hit when you opened the door because you couldn’t reach the container when you were at the drive-thru bank that day.

Level three? Let’s call this the red zone. It encompasses everything from coveting thy neighbor’s wife and way beyond.

Don’t know about you, but I always assume the best of people. Seriously, I’m always shocked when I find out negative things about people I know because it never occurs to me, you know?

Anyways, the point is, level one is lying to protect someone’s feelings. You don’t want the host to know you detested what they made, right? Level two is lying to protect your feelings. You already feel bad about hitting the pillar and making the mark on your new shiny baby, so no need to feel worse by telling your significant other who – will no doubt, harp about it, right?

And then there’s level three.

That’s the level I’m always referring to when I say I tell the truth.

So there’s me, driving down the street heading home, and laughing. Why? Because I started running those first two level scenarios over in my head. If we all told the truth in those moments, this is what it would look like.

Scenario One

The wife. “Honey, do you like my new top?”

The husband. “No, it makes you like old and fat.”

The wife. “Yeah, well you’re no spring chicken, and speaking of chicken, I’m not making dinner tonight.”

The husband. “Why? Because I told you the truth?”

The wife. “Yes, you idiot. The least you could have done is lie. But back to why I’m not making dinner for you. Do you want to know?

She glares at him as he nods and then she says, “Because I’m fat and old! We’ll be eating a lot of salads from now on and going to bed early – being the ancient person I am. Deal with it.”

 

Scenario Two

The husband. “Babe, did you see there’s a big ding in the driver side door of the car.”

The wife. “Oh yes.”

The husband. “Do you know how it got there?”

The wife. “I do.”

The husband. “Do you mind telling me?”

The wife. “I bashed the door against one of those cement pillars at the bank.”

The husband. “How many times have I told you to watch those?”

The wife. “At least twenty times.”

The husband. “Is that all you have to say?”

The wife nods.

The husband. “That’s a bad ding.”

The husband. “It’s going to cost a fortune to get it fixed.”

The husband. “It won’t be worth going through insurance with the deductible and all.”

The husband. “Didn’t I tell you to use the outside lane? It doesn’t have a pillar.”

The husband. “I wonder if I can touch it up myself.”

The husband. “When did you do it?”

The husband. “Never mind. I’m already depressed. You weren’t hiding this from me, were you?”

The husband. “Didn’t you say that your new friend’s husband is a mechanic. Maybe we can get a discount.”

The husband stops at the front door before he goes to recheck the damage. “You didn’t answer. When did this happen?”

The husband turns and is shocked to see his wife isn’t in the room.

Now why did she leave the room?

She told a level two truth and that’s *points at the above text* is the thanks she gets for it! Talk about depressed!

 

Scenario Three

 

For this one, we need some props. Like…a spiky strident, an equally spiky tail, and a devil to go along with the ensemble. We also need a handsome older man with thick, flowing white hair, blue eyes, and a robe that any fashionista would die to own.

I say this, because there’s no husband and wife in this scenario. Why? Level three lies require the deft hand of divinity as it’s a battle for the soul.

I see this playing out like a boxing match. A, he said, she did, type thing with a few “Oh, yeah, wells” thrown in.

*Wags a finger at you* I know what you’re thinking. If it’s really bad stuff that’s been done at the level three all the souls are going to hell, right?

Wrong.

You can’t just say, “Hey, you there with the green jacket on, step away from the pearly gates. You committed murder, so you are going to ashes and cinders territory.”

Did I mention that the man in the green jacket was military?

Or, maybe, it was worn by a man who lost control of his vehicle when he had a survivable heart attack and ran someone over.

Or, maybe, it belonged to a woman who administered the wrong dosage of medicine to a patient on her nightly rounds.

You see? What the ancient law defines as “murder” comes in many different forms, so, the way I see it? Divine intervention is a must in these kinds of cases. And, in these kinds of cases there’s bound to be surprises. Especially if I’m writing it.

What if, the military man saved more lives than he took? Wouldn’t God call dibs on his soul?

What about the man in the car who had a true and uncontrollable accident. God might be ready to duke it out with Satan over him, but then it comes to light that the driver kicked his dog, beat his wife regularly, and cheated every chance he got when he gambled.

Hm…I’d be thinking Satan would be rubbing his hands together, no?

And what about the woman?

*Hikes a brow at you* My bet is, her own guilt would cement her path to cinders and ashes territory before God and Satan even got a chance to get in the ring over her.

A shame, really, because out of the three scenarios hers was the most heart breaking because she’d dedicated her life to saving and helping lives, and with the event of one mistake, all that joy was taken away from her.

So, what do you think God would say about this? Or Satan for that matter?

Heheheh. I bet you guys are wishing right about now that I’d taken a short cut home. This seems to be taking forever, no? 😉

I’ll tell you what I think. I think they’d both want her. One would lay claim because she’s given more than she’s taken in life, and the other would lay claim to her, because she broke the rules, and he’d have a chance to steal an angel without breaking the law the way it’s written.

It was at this point that I realized it all comes down to guilt and association. The two men who went before the woman let their fates be decided by higher powers, while a woman?

Yeah, she can’t seem to keep her trap shut long enough to be let off the hook.

That’s why we need level one and two on the scale of lies. Without them, there wouldn’t be any women in heaven.

Wow. When you look it like that – heaven is hell and hell is heaven because all the bad doers don’t feel any guilt and waltz through the gates.

Seriously, think about it. I watched a movie a while back. And in it the bad king had to sacrifice those he loved to get power. There I was watching his beautiful wife being thrown into the pool of water and this snake-type person surface to take her down. Then later, his beautiful and virtuous daughter gets thrown into the pool and is taken down.

It didn’t take me a minute to realize that the underworld is filled with some beautiful people, you know what I mean? Think about it.

I told Honey my thought while we were watching that flick, and after he stared at me for a full thirty seconds he said, “You’re determined to wreck every movie I watch, aren’t you?”

I didn’t blink, when I replied, “Absolutely not.”

You see? That right there was a level two, because I am SO going to bust his balls when he makes me watch movies only he enjoys. >:)

Do you agree with my lie-o-meter? Disagree? Or are you going to pull a level one in comments and not hurt my feelings?

Hey, now…I’m made of tougher stuff. You can tell me. 😊

Okay. Now, onto our giveaway.

We already have an Amazon gift card, so why don’t we do some chocolate covered strawberries delivered to your home (if you live in the US) – if not, and you win, I will purchase a gift card in the amount of the prize that will be included with the other stuff we’re going to be adding in the coming weeks.

Here’s what they will look like.

How’s everyone doing? Good, I hope! You guys know the drill. If you are a subscriber you’re already entered for one chance to win. With each new comment you post on the posts during the giveaway weeks your name will be added again for every comment for more chances to win.

Yay! I love reading comments.

And, as always, thanks for stopping by.

Riley

 

 

 

 


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RELEASE DAY! BUILD A GIVEAWAY! AND A HONEY STORY! OH MY!!!

August 29, 2017

 

 

It’s release day!!!

So happy that Genevieve and Caleb are meeting the world! I love these guys!

I also love my gang, some of whom I spent the day with yesterday. Since my mom is visiting my sister for a couple of weeks, it was nice to hang out with my daughter and Honey for lunch. This is when we had the most interesting discussion…and by interesting, I mean hilarious.

It went something like this.

My daughter says, “Although it’s kind of nice to have a bit of a break, I miss nanny.”

Honey nods. and I say, “Yep, but she’ll be home soon enough for your weekly lunch dates.”

I say, “Yep, but she’ll be home soon enough for you guys to do your weekly lunch dates.”

(My daughter and her husband take grandma out to lunch once a week. Sometimes together and sometimes they switch off doing separately)

“We all can’t wait for that,” Honey said.The translation being. When

The translation being. When nanny is home it is a Godsend when the kids come up and take her out for the afternoon. Gives all of us some time to chill, you know? Not that my mom is tough to deal with, she’s just intense about whatever she’s doing. Right down to Judge Judy. If she can’t get that woman on TV – there is hell to pay, people! I swear. But I digress.

My daughter laughed. “You know? We were just talking about nanny last night and I decided that she’s Benjamin Buttoning it.”

There’s Honey and I doing the old big *blink, blink*.

Doesn’t faze her. “Seriously. Don’t you think she looks better today than she did first of the year?”

And there’s Me and Honey. Nodding. Thinking. Considering. Suspiciously going over the idea that had some merit now that the topic was put out there. But how was this possible?

It was as if my girl read my thoughts. “It could happen. I just finished Stephen Kings book about this old dude who gets younger living off the steam of the young.”

Honey sits back in such a way we both know she’s lost him. “Here we go.”

My daughter laughed again. “No, really, follow me here. You know those soul-crushers that nanny zings out on a regular basis?”

I should pause here for a moment. Have I mentioned my mother’s penchant for the left – and by left I mean extreme left-hand compliment with a big a side of a full nose sucker punch?

No?

*Shakes head* Don’t know how I missed telling y’all about this talent of hers. She doesn’t do it to me because she knows I’m immune, but to the kids? Oh, hell yeah! She wields that tricky elder card with a precision that would impress The Divine.

Example: She once said to my son-in-law. “You have nice hands. Can I see them?” When the poor guy held one out to her she turned it over, pursed her lips, and then said, “They don’t look like they’ve worked a day in this life.”

Nice.

When we call her on it – because we always do – she backtracks like the pro she is.

*Le sigh* You see? I do miss miss her…

But back to the conversation.

My daughter is practically crying laughing as she explains how her guy is convinced his lunches with nanny are literally sucking the fountain of youth steam out of him. Making nanny younger and causing him to reevaluate his world view while he shops for a fashionable walker.

I say, “Poor guy.”

And what does Honey say? “Jesus H. How long has he known? Don’t you think he could have told me?”

Both my girl and I stare at Honey, and that’s when he looks between us with this – I’d say serious, but it was more like a stricken expression before he growls. “That’s where these lines are coming from.”

I didn’t know about my girl, but I was pretty sure the laugh lines around his eyes definitely weren’t caused by my mom. I doubted they were even caused by age.

Nope.

Those suckers were totally me. One hundred percent.

My daughter? She wisely changed the subject and in no time at all we were on the safer topic of where we should go when we had a double date with her guy and her. The second she brought up this new studio down by her place that taught Salsa dancing? That’s when I knew the truth.

I may be working on etching those laugh lines on Honey’s face in this lifetime – but she had definitely claimed ownership of the worry ones across his forehead.

Haha!

Honey would dance all night with me providing the songs were slow and he knew them. (He likes to sing along) But fast and up-tempo tunes? Yeah, I’m on my own. Literally, because he was never one to let me dance with other guys.

Moral of this story? Appreciate the little stuff. Even a silly conversation about soul sucking and salsa dancing. ;D

Oh, and we’ve started a next big giveaway!

Here’s what we’re opening with. An Amazon 25.00 gift card!

 

 

 

 

 

There will be five items in total in the giveaway. Remember the rules. If you’re a subscriber you are already entered, but with each comment you leave on posts during the giveaway build your name gets entered again for more chances to win.

 

As always, thanks for stopping by!

Riley


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We Have A Winner!

August 7, 2017

We have the piggie salt and pepper shakers, the green apple candle, the Star Force game, Newman’s own mint tin, a dove dark chocolate bar (I added those two for the last items) and the Amazon gift card!

Gift Card Design

And the winner is????

*Insert drumroll here*

NYLaurie!!!

Congrats! I will email you with the details!

As always guys! Thanks for playing…

Riley


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So You Think A Little Poisoning Is Going To Stop Me?

August 2, 2017

 

That would be a big NOPE!

I actually wrote this post yesterday, but it disappeared, so imma going to rewrite it.

*Le sigh*

It probably won’t be as funny. Dammit!

I was telling you guys about my mom, Honey, me & the game show Jeopardy. We love watching the show with her because she thinks we’re great at it.

Which we’re not.

She does a big thumbs up or gushes over how smart we are when we get an answer.

Don’t ask.

The question, “Who’s buried in Grant’s tomb?”

I say Lou, and she says, “That’s great. Close, but it was Ulysses S.” 😉

Which is funny, you know? Because she’s serious and meh, now that I think about maybe I was too.

But the other night the question was about something like, What did so-and-so ride? Don’t quote me – but it was something like that. And I said something fabulous and innovative like “A horse.”

Mom clapped and gave me the nod. You see? She’s great for the ego, isn’t she?

Anyways, Honey said, “A beaver.”

And there’s me thinking he was whispering low because he was unsure of the answer…or? Hm. Given a moment to think about the answer I was like *Insert me tapping my index fingernail on my front tooth here*

I stopped tapping and turned to him. “A beaver?”

He gave me a look with eyes sparkling and said, “Yeah. Beaver.”

I was just about to shake my head when he added, “A man can ride that over and over again.”

Bah! I Laughed MAO!

Man, I’m sure the conversation was funnier two days ago when the details were fresh, but it still puts a smile on my face.

It even allowed us to segue into another fascinating conversation this morning. About what, you may ask? Another Jeopardy question. You see, last night I missed the final one so Honey put it out there.

The question was, “What structure did a creature build on earth that can be seen from space?”

There’s me without blinking once even, “A beaver dam! A damn beaver built a dam!”

He says, no and then I say, “The great wall of China.”

To which he gets this very superior look on his face and says, “It’s amazing. That’s what all three contestants said and they got it wrong. How arrogant is man that he always assumes man built the object – because in this case he didn’t.”

And there’s me blinking up a storm now thinking, hang on a minute. I said beaver. Beaver I said first. <- Catch my little Yoda ism there? Heheheh! When I point out to him that I gave beaver as my first answer he practically brushed me off and then he ended with something like, “You’re not the average person.”

Hmm…

His comment should have made me happy, but I somehow don’t think it was a compliment. 😉 *Thinks for a second and then brightens up* Of course it was a compliment. I’m delightful. 😉

Speaking of delightful. Guess what I had done? The city water guys where I live came and took water samples for bacteria in our drinking water (we have city water in the house). I’m interested to see what they find since they assured me that there was no arsenic in their water. That arsenic wasn’t a problem. That they tested for it quarterly. That they’d just recently tested for it. In fact, the test results were so good – that they were going to send them to me yesterday. *Shrugs* but they never did. So what did Riley do? She hopped on their website to have a look for those test results and what did she find?

A bid for arsenic to be removed from one of their water plant stations.

*Stares right at you and says in the same voice Gary would say this in, “Whatcha talking about Willis?*

Seriously?

It’s very rarely that I am shocked, but I was to see this buried on their site. So why don’t you all drum your fingers with me while I wait to see how long they get back to me about this and I can safeguard my family. Hopefully, when they confirm they will take the time to tell my neighbors. I’m hoping that this isolated since my home was on a dead end circuit that was recently corrected. I’d hate to think anyone else has gone through what I have.

I go to see a different doctor tomorrow and I’ve taken more vitamins (had a panel done and was really low on all kinds of things – crazy, never been that way before) but alas, I digress. The point I am trying to make here is this. Arsenic can kiss my *ss! I’m over it and the people who weren’t honest enough to tell me the truth when I poured my heart out to them after I called them about it.

Do ya think that Honey is over this? Yeah, don’t ask. My son? He wanted to take numbers. My daughter? She tackled things from her end so I feel kind of sorry for anyone she’s been in touch with. 😉

The worst part about all this is that it has affected my smoochie time with Honey. Which in turn has affected my creative energy – which has left you guys SOL for some Honey goldisms on the post page. Hopefully, once we turn this ship around, there will be huge nuggets to post about. 😀

With that in mind, I have two big requests.

If you know anyone who is feeling out of sorts. Maybe a little flu-like or can’t put a finger on it. If they have ear ringing, lightheadedness on occasion, a burning mouth or throat or if they find there are a lot of words hanging on the tip of their tongue but they can’t get them out – tell them about arsenic and have them get checked. It’s more prevalent than you think. Trust me.

And the last thing I would ask is, if you are into praying, please put in a good word for Honey and I. His tests haven’t come back yet, but the poor guy is so worried about me. I feel bad for him. 🙁 And, hey, if you’re not into praying – it’s all good. A positive thought or some high energy waves thrown our way would be awesome too!

Personally, I’ve covered the ball of wax! The only thing I haven’t done is an Indian rain dance because…well, quite frankly we have enough effing rain these days.

Hm. Maybe I should do a Riley sun dance.

*Stares right at you* That sounds just about as horrific as the visual was that came to me the second I typed it.

EEK!

No worries. I shan’t scare you off. There will be no dancing. *Insert me speaking like Moses in the Ten Commandments here* “So it be written, so it be done.”

Alrighty. *Rubs hands together and looks around* What else is left to say? Oh, I know. I I still haven’t decided what to add to our give away for our last item. Here’s a look at the stuff we already have so far. It’s pretty good stuff – so I have to find something that ties in with Caleb and Genevieve’s story to add to the pile. I’ll let you know what I come up with when I come up with it. Probably Friday – that’s when we’re doing the draw. Yay!

As always, thanks for stopping by.

Riley


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