WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

 

Okay, so Honey and I were having one of our infamous chats about the universe and something interesting came up. Actually, *Looks right at you* several interesting things came to my attention, but I am going to focus in on just one.

An EMP attack of global proportions.

I know, deep, right?

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, it’s an Electromagnetic pulse attack that would basically wipe out our infrastructure. No electronics, no sewer, no electric, no water…yeah, no nuthin’ we’d be living like the cavemen in no time. *sigh* I hate to ponder about these things, but sometimes you have to.

*Thinks for a second* Then? *Points at you*

This doesn’t mean you can’t make the solution be one that is fun and uplifting to think about.

Honey calls this “my making Lemon meringue pie out of a watermelon moment”, but whatever.

So here’s the conversation:

I say, “You know I was thinking about imminent global threats today and this one came to me.”

“Oh boy.” He sat down and lifted a brow at me. “Am I going to need a drink, or will this just have me buying more life insurance?”

Haha! The latter was always a good idea. “No seriously. I was thinking about an EMP attack and it made very, very sad.”

Now both his brows went up. “I’d be devastated. No electronics? I’m the one who watches TV.”

Yeah, yeah, that was true, but for this conversation, I didn’t want to focus in on the fallout details. Hollywood and every Debbie downer on the planet had those things covered. I wanted to envision an upside to the end game of this kind of attack – any kind of attack actually. So I said this to him and funny enough – he was interested.

“An upside to societal breakdown? I gotta hear this and don’t tell me Batman arrives to save the day or that aliens land and stop the war.” He shook his head. “And don’t frown. I know you too well so I know how your writer’s mind works.”

*Raises my hand to you and acknowledges, guilty! I’m always inventing possible plot scenarios that cover just about any outlandish or fanciful thing* NOT that I was going to admit this to him. 😉 “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Pay attention. Imagine if you will—”

“Here we go,” he interrupted. *Le sigh* He’s such a guy.

“As I was saying. You know that stuff about Free Will I’ve been talking about? Well, suppose that’s the cosmic key to the universe? That earth is a Free Will zone and every life on earth only needs to claim it. I mean we give our will up to the government, banks, doctors, attorneys, lawyers, judges, police, military and don’t get me started on the IRS—”

“No fear of that. I want dinner tonight and we know what happens to those plans when you start talking about their 20 million dollar Star Wars extravaganza.”

“Great! Thanks for reminding me about that. It ties in with what I would do if an EMP attacked happened or was going to happen.”

He sat forward and tilted his head. “Happened? Are you going to shoot that BS about multi-dimensional universes and time travel and pirates and outer worldly vultures who you think have preyed on mankind long enough?”

“Abso-freaking-lutely!”

“I should have poured myself a drink.”

I waved him off and then launched into my brilliant and yet simple plan for the world. “Imagine this.” I have to become animated here or he stares at me like he’s watching paint peel. “There’s those in power who know how the game works – they’ve reached the end of the deck, they’ve played the Trump card and they still don’t like where this is going so they decide to do the EMP attack on America because it’s the world economy really—”

“No, it’s not.”

You see what he does? He cuts into my roll.

I scowl at him. “It’s the biggest consumer economy. Is that better?”

“I’m listening.”

“Well, being that it’s a game, and all have to participate to make it work, the power brokers have decided to jump start things with this kind of attack because their default position is always to create fear. BUT and this is a big but, there are too many people who are onto them. Ten years ago they may have pulled it off easily, but not so well now. Why? Because the swell of THE PEOPLE who are onto them decide to hold them financially responsible for what they’ve done to not only our country – but the entire world. We put our foot down and say that’s enough you have to pay up. We put such an astronomical number on the fine that they will all be broke for the rest of eternity.”

“That sounds pretty predictable to me. Wouldn’t they ignore you?”

“Us you mean. It’s a big collective and no. You see when you claim your FREE WILL they have no power over you in your past lives or future lives. You are no longer an earning product for them so they are without a means to make and attract tradable things of value for the rest of time. But you didn’t let me finish. What if we as a collective say to all those that disrupt and corrupt our planet that they can keep what they so far have collected – providing they didn’t steal or misappropriate those things of value – only if they leave this planet for good without any war, EMP attacks or nuclear attacks. Then THE PEOPLE would be free to live the way they were meant to live on this planet.”

He was silent for a second or two and then he whispered, “I don’t know how you do it.”

There’s me basking in the compliment thinking that I’d just come up with a plausible way to save the planet from the negative energy that is dragging our society down when he added.

“How do you sleep at night with all that crap rolling around in your head?”

Crap?

Rolling?

Nothing rolls around in my head, there’s no room. Every square inch is taken up by random and not so random thoughts – I assure you. To him, I said, “It’s easy. I figure somewhere out there in this sky or the galaxy above, the Creator of Souls is listening to me. And, being that he’s the gifter of FREE WILL he will see the sense in this plan. The only fly in the proverbial “Save the Universe” oil?”

“What?”

“Is that stubborn people like you will look at me like you are now when I tell them.”

That’s when he smiled. A big, bright, smile that reached his eyes. “If I thought something like this was possible, you know I’d be all over it.”

“Sometimes you have to rely on faith alone.”

“I prefer reality.”

And I would have preferred to toss one of the envelopes on the table at him, but, *insert a deep breath here* I smiled back at him instead. Talking through my teeth I told him, “I choose to believe. This is why you and I make such a great pair. The more you deny the possibility of such a thing happening, the more I believe it will happen.”

His eyes widened and he smacked the table. “Unreal. You take the possibility of averting a dramatic fictional cosmic catastrophe and turn it into a husband smack down in the turn of one sentence.”

“Thank you. I’ll take that as a compliment because doing so requires finesse and talent, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” His smile eased and he sat back. “What would happen if I had taken what you said and embraced it as being possible from the get-go?”

I took a millisecond to think that over and then I didn’t even blink. “I’d suggest you head over to the doctor’s for a check-up. Clearly you’d be sick. I thought we’d already decided decades ago that I was here to save your soul? If you agreed at face value I would consider my job here done.”

“Meaning?”

“I’m glad you’re not the average Joe. I want more people like me to see that this world has some phenomenal secrets. There’s a special kind of magic and right now most of it is being corrupted by people who don’t have the heart or soul to wield it with grace and goodness.”

“Now.” He pointed at me as he nodded. “That I believe.”

You see? Honey does come around. It just takes a special way to deliver the message to him.

*Thinks about that for less than a millisecond when the epiphany comes to me*

Damn, he would have listened to me proclaiming to be the Virgin Mary if I delivered the message sans clothes. *Insert the action of a finger snap here* I wish I had thought of that tactic sooner. It would have saved me some grief. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell him this without stressing him out too much. 😀

So…Anyone else have any great ideas on how to save the planet? The caveat has to be that we get rid of the bad guys who have screwed things up to a fair thee well AND whatever attack they were planning in the first place has to be adverted.

Heheheh. Here’s me with my author mind thinking, if we missed averting the catastrophe we could always bend time and put us back to the moment it happened and stop it from happening. I didn’t mention this to Honey because he has enough to worry about. Did I mention that I’ve got the poor guy fixing the electric/cable stuff in our house? Doesn’t sound so bad, but you have to remember our stuff is in the attic and it’s a cabillion degrees here. I sent him up there a few days ago and forgot to stick around the ladder to make sure he didn’t expire up there.

My bad!

Actually, I felt terrible when he came into the nice cool kitchen looking like he’d just gone for a swim. Poor guy.

As always, thanks for stopping by! And don’t forget to give me a great solution to our save the world challenge – Remember, the key is FREE WILL – Start there and then the person who comes up with the funniest or most creative method to banish the negative and criminal energy from the planet will get their name added three additional times to the big drawing we still haven’t done.

Geez…Caleb and Genevieve are a year older. Boy, do I need to get their story finished!!!!

Riley

A Night Spent With Honey That I Shall Memorialize!

 

I had to share. This had me LMAO!

Okay, so here’s the deal. We’ve had a boatload of company lately hence the slow blog posts being published – but we’re having fun with family so it’s all good. Anyways, Honey and I rented a pontoon boat and took the gang to a beautiful natural spring a few hours from where we live. We got to see/swim with all kinds of great wildlife (Lots of manatees) birds, fish, etc.

It was a wonderful day. Seriously. Great company and beautiful weather. So, when the day was over I was ready to fall into bed. Only? Honey was standing at the double doors to our room waiting for me.

*Looks right at you*

Honey doesn’t usually do this. We have a routine, you know? And this wasn’t part of it. So when I see him, here’s the conversation.

“Hey, is everything okay? What’s up?”

“I’m waiting.”

I shut the blinds on one of the sliders and ask, “For?”

“You. You gotta see this.”

So there I am heading into our room thinking the poochie, who has her own king-size doggie bed that I fluff for her every <- yes, you read that right! EVERY night, but the poochie princess wasn’t the issue as she was snuggled in waiting for mommy to tuck her into her top blanket.

Spoiled? Don’t ask. But I digress…

I stopped when I got into the room and saw that Honey hadn’t undressed. There I was thinking, Hmm…I bet I know where this is going. Inwardly I smiled and had that female attitude vibe happening when I coyly ask, “Okay, lover, what’s up?”

He flashes one of his patented smiles and says, “This.”

That’s when he takes off his shirt and I see the front of him. No word of a lie, people. He’s as red as a delicious apple from his broad shoulders to hips he’s one huge fireball. “Oh, boy.” I may have said that, but I was thinking, “Good, Lord, do we have some Noxzema in the house?”

I was just about to go find out when he announces in a deep and very husky voice, “Tonight, darlin’, you’ll be sleeping with Hellboy.”

Hahaha! True in every sense of the word. Actually, truer would have been Furnace-Boy – holy moly was he a bastion of boiling heat all night. *Le sigh* I found myself hugging the edge of the bed to keep away from the flames. Funny thing was, I kept teasing him during the day on the boat because he’d put the sunscreen on so thickly all over himself, he looked like Casper the ghost until the lotion was absorbed. How the heck did he wind up lobsta-red???

Crazy.

Upside? We now have enough money to visit all seven celestial planets at the end of the year on account of the swear jar being filled to overflowing. Between Honey and all my guests? Yup, I’ve been making out like a bandit on that score. 😉

So… *Looks around* How’s everyone doing? Good?

I’m looking forward to a week of carrying the pooch outside to go pee. I love having company, but my poor baby gets so depressed when our guests leave that she can’t drag herself out to handle nature’s call. Honey is convinced I’ve cultivated this behavior in our fur-baby, but I don’t think so. I mean, if I were inclined to cultivate anything in her it would be for her to learn how to do laundry.

*Lifts a brow at you*

Have I mentioned how much I hate doing laundry? And here I am today, knee deep in dirty sheets and towels. Yay!

Check back towards the end of the week when I’ll be doing our final addition to our giveaway before the big draw. I feel like PERMIT ME has taken a year to write – but hey, it will be worth it, I promise.

As always, thanks for stopping by.

*Smooches*

Riley

Honey, Honey, Honey. HONEY!

Okay, when reading that title you’re supposed to sing it to the tune of, Money, money, money. Money!

Why?

Because Honey is priceless. 😉

Example?

Absolutely, I’m so glad you asked.

Imagine me and Honey lying next to each other in bed. The two of us are staring at the ceiling in the dark, when he whispers, “Are you sleeping?”

*Looks right at you* WTH? We just got into bed, so unless he laced my water with Rohypnol, or knocked me over the head with a brick…? “Nope.”

“Can I ask you something about space? And, I’m begging you, babe, please don’t go off on the topic about how you think we’ve been played by NASA and there’s more going on in our universe than the Space guys are telling us, okay?”

*And now I’m staring owl-eyed at you –kicking my feet in frustration because you guys know me well enough to know that this will never happen without a huge amount of restraint on my part.*

I take a deep breath and deliver the biggest lie ever. “Sure.”

“Ready?”

Honey’s so cute. “Shoot.”

Do you think getting it on in zero gravity would be better than in regular old gravity? Say, an intense vertical floating-in-limbo Mumba for hours?”

I invoke the mighty snow globe here!

Bah! You see? This is why I love Honey. Instead of me launching into the oodles of bones I have to pick with NASA over them “just now” finding seven planets – SEVEN planets! So what? Did they all of a sudden remember to dust off their Hubble telescope? — but yep, I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah. Instead of talking about being ripped off, I was lying there trying to work out the logistics of Honey’s brilliant question. Any of you guys ever thought of space in those terms? Yes? No? Whatcha think about that major 7 planet discovery? Here’s the link if you didn’t see it on the news. Inquiring mind wants to know.

Now for the continuation of our build-a-giveaway. This is what we’ve got so far. (click here) to view.

And this is what we’re adding.

It’s a great game to play with adults and kids. You have to drop the metal ball into the best planet spot. It’s not easy. My suggestion? Buy some cheap scratch-off lottery tickets and challenge the kids to compete to win one them. *Leans in to whisper* If you don’t have the kids for the night? No problem. Sometimes Honey and I play games like this for other kinds of prizes.

*Taps index fingernail on front tooth and thinks not at all* Ah…like the loser has to do all the winners chores the next day.

*Bursts out laughing and lifts a brow at you*

Like I’d every play that game. ‘Nuff said.

Hey, don’t look at me like that. I’m still thinking about that zero gravity hook-up. Talk about out of this world!

Exciting times, right? 7 new planets! Have you seen any of NASA’s patches? Interestingly enough, there are 7 stars/planets on them dating back to the 60’s, but I promised Honey I wasn’t going to “go there”. One question, though. I know. Sorry. I can’t help myself.

Were the patch makers psychic or was it a major coinkydink with the 7? Yeah, yeah, I told you, I drive Honey nuts. Fortunately, that fits right in with my evil plans on how I want to spend the rest of my days here on earth. Sucks to be him, poor guy. >:D

Here are a few of the patches. See what I mean?

Wow, it’s been too long. I’ve missed you guys!

Alrighty, you know the drill. If you are a subscriber you’re already entered into the drawing, but if you leave a comment on all the “build-a-giveaway posts” (I think we’re at three and should go to five so keep checking back) your name gets added to the hat for the drawing. With each additional comment. More chances to win. Yay.

Good luck!

My thought for today given that we’re talking about space? I believe the majority of people on this planet prefer to live in a peaceful world, so let’s remove the obstacles and get it done!

So exciting! I understand there are many more innovative technologies to be released over the next few years. Don’t know how they’ll stack up to Honey’s 7 minutes in inertia heaven idea, but I’m thrilled at the prospect, non-the-less.

As always, thanks for stopping by!

Riley

The Blind, The Deaf, and A Determined Alpha Male…

 

I bet you can’t guess where this is going. *thinks for exactly a half of a second and then deadpans at you* NOT! You guys know for sure this is going to be a classic Honey story!

*Shrug*

That’s why I love you. *Rubs hands together* Okay, where to start?

Last night Honey made dinner because of the deal we carved out long ago. It goes something like this. If I call the in-laws and speak to them at length, he does the cooking and taking care of Madge (my mom). A fair trade, right? I mean while I have an interesting discussion with my MIL, he’s putting together our hunk of meat with two sides of carbohydrates. Yeah, he’s never gotten the corn and baked potato combo right, and quite frankly, I’m getting too old to fight about such things. There are only so many times you can say, “Put some frigging greens on the plate!” Before you silently say to yourself “Screw the salad. I’ll skip the taters.”

Hey, do you guys want to see how the in-law game works in our house? It goes like this:

15941242_1650722601895506_2277680866939697770_n

 

Kidding. We love our jack- *cough, cough* in-laws!

But to get back to Honey and Madge. After I finish with my conversation with his family, I head into the kitchen which is connected to our family room. And what do I find besides the double carbs cooking and the BBQ outside the window smoking away? Honey and Madge discussing the movie he’s put on for my mom.

I love Madge, but it would be remiss of me not to tell you that in her earlier years (those I will categorize as every day before she turned eighty-five) she was a piece of work. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while you might remember some of the Madge capers. If not, let me assure you. The woman could have put the CIA, FBI, and sneaky little spying aliens in yonder deep-space a run for their flying saucers. Now, however, she’s lost a little steam in the comprehension department. It doesn’t slow her down, which is frightening for me, but it is sad when she’s watching a movie or something because we get a clear picture into the world she now lives in. It’s a place that makes it hard for her to connect certain dots.

But not to worry. Honey is always there to the rescue. Nice and scary at the same time. Check this out. He put on a romantic comedy for her to watch and when she didn’t get the simple boy-meets-girl plot with added conflict for a grand resolve, I hear Honey explaining when the characters wind up in a heated embrace behind some drying bed sheets hanging in a yard.

“Yeah, it’s okay, because they were married before. They didn’t have any kids and it had been a while since they met up again.”

As I’d seen the movie before, there is me thinking, That’s not right.

And Madge nodding. “Good. I was wondering why the two of them were so frisky for each other.”

Then Honey starts to dig in deeper with his explanation of things and even I’m enthralled. By the time he was done speaking about all kinds of events that purportedly happened to this couple – a robbery that had happened at some point bringing this couple together, the kidnapping of one of their dogs, being abducted by aliens, the car chase, and the natural disaster they had lived through only to be separated in the end by their differing dreams, my jaw was resting on the floor. For a second I thought he was gas-lighting my mom when I wasn’t around, and maybe she wasn’t legitimately losing her marbles. But then I noticed something. My mom was paying attention to the movie now with more focus and enthusiasm. That’s when it hit me. Honey had rewritten the script to get her invested.

Oh sure, he’d borrowed themes from Natural Born Killers, Independence Day, Bengi, Gone In Sixty Seconds, and Dante’s Peak, but did that matter if the end result was Mom being engaged in this couple’s journey? I didn’t think so until I heard her ask.

“Where’s the dragon?”

Aaaaand, that’s when I did a double-take. Dragons? Seriously? *Looks right at you* They were watching The Wedding Planner!

Honey didn’t miss a beat. “You see? You’re not the only one around here who’s forgetful. The dragons aren’t in this movie. I just realized that those guys are going to show up in the sequel.”

Listening to my mom tell Honey that it was okay. That she knew how tough it was to forget, my heart smiled, you know? But then he started to tell her about this sequel that never was and I realized the man was nuts. Somehow his dragons had morphed into the Land Before Time, but if my mom noticed he was mixing up the dinosaur/dragon thing she never said a word. She just made him promise that when it came out, he’d buy it for her.

Aw…I waited a minute or two and then I went to give him a hug. While I did, I closed my eyes and whispered to him, “I love your version of movies for Mom.”

And he whispered back, “Great because I have a really dirty version of Last Tango in Paris I’m going to share with you, later on tonight.”

Bah! Me thinks the man was put on this earth to drive me crazy! Meh, I’m not going to complain. Why? This is what I love best about him.

Which got me to thinking…If you guys get nothing else from my blog posts and stories, I hope you get this one thing. We are all connected in amazing ways to the people around us, that has nothing to do with business, politics, race, or gender, but there is one thing we all have in common that we can’t escape. A worldview. I’m privileged enough to share mine with you through my stories and blog posts, so I hope you know it goes something like this.

Time is precious because it’s finite.

Love is consuming because it touches the soul.

But, yeah, if I was going to give you the Reader’s Digest version of such Homely-Philosopher-deep ponderings 😀 I’d liken people to crayons. Oh, don’t look at me like that. Work with me here. People are like crayons because they each have their own shade to color their world with. My favorite color is blue. Why? It’s the canvas of the sky that’s filled with limitless possibilities.

I asked Honey what his favorite color was and he said green. When I asked him why he told me it reminded him of the forest.

You see? Our worldviews are different. While I tended to take our children out to the backyard on a Sunday morning to stretch out on lawn chairs and play “catch a cloud and tell me what shape it is”, Honey would choose to take the kids on a long nature walk through the forests he loves.

The takeaway here? If we both shared the same worldview our children would never know these two vastly different ways of exploring the world around them. Different is good. That’s what makes people unique. If we all had the same thoughts and motivations driving our similar ideas, the concept of being “limitless” would cease to exist.

Just my .02.

*Leans in to whisper to you* Doesn’t mean I don’t think playing a game of catching clouds blows examining twigs and rocks in a forest, out of the water. 😉 It just means, I would never denigrate or prejudge my children for voicing their joy to me over one way, or the other. Why? Simple. Mutual respect. This is their journey in life, not mine.

Oh, and, I don’t just play catch the clouds. I also play find the face, man, or structure in items around my house. Here are a few examples. True story!

Remember these?

*sigh* I miss my ice dick maker machine. I never should have replaced it. No fun! 🙁

Then remember this guy?

I miss him too! Doo-Doo devil guy. Did I mention my father-in-law spent a whole afternoon erasing him when my MIL and I went shopping? 🙁

And now this.

Can you see the face made of out of the wrinkle in the fabric? Yep, yes, that would be me. There I am walking along and I see the face today, and I run to get the camera. Haha! If it ain’t clouds…

So, *props chin in palm and bats eyelashes at you* what color in the crayon box makes you happy?

As always thanks for stopping by!

Oh, and Permit Me is in the final stages before release, so I think we should start our build-a-giveaway soon. Can’t wait!

Riley

Ménage à trois, HONEY, AND A CUCUMBER…

downloads356

 

A Valentine for Two: Contemporary Menage Box Set by [Davis, Lia, Dawson, Angelica, Skye, Auriella, Wylde, Sara, Reeve, TL, Carr, Cassandra, Morgan, Nicole, Kuhn, N, Brent, Amy, Quinn, Dylan]

 

A little 2017 surprise! This is my smoking hot ménage story that is set to release on Valentine’s Day. I’m in this anthology with a whole bunch of talented authors! Lia Davis
Angelica Dawson, Auriella Skye, Sara Wylde, TL Reeve, Cassandra Carr, Dylan Quinn, Nicole Morgan, N Kuhn, Amy Brent.

The collection is up for preorder on Amazon – just click the picture above if you want to nab this while it’s on sale for 0.99 cents! What a deal!

Honey taking down the tree

 

Now For Honey who was home for the holidays. *Looks right at you* Home. With. Me. *Shakes head* Here’s how that went…

Man, I couldn’t let this one go. Seriously. You’ll see why in a minute. Let us call this little Honeyism, “The Way Things Were!”

Why you may ask? Simple. Life has changed for me in a big way.

How you may ask? Easy. I have learned how to use the text to speech application on my phone.

*Deadpans* If you don’t have this ability ask Santie Claus to bring you a new phone with this magic on it as a post-holiday present. Holy moly! Life changing is understating what this new feature has done for me (not really new – but much like the car navigation system that I never learned how to use correctly) this speech thing is awesome!!!

Example? Honey had to visit a couple of job sites over the holidays, so one particular time I suggested that he stop at the grocery store on his way home. Only? I discovered he forgot the grocery list I’d written for him on the counter.

No problem.

I did my nifty microphone text magic but, um, *cough, cough* It occurred to me whilst I was doing it that I could have some fun here. Heheheheh.

The list went something like this:

Milk

Eggs

Sour cream

(I listed a few more various general items here)

Then I get to the vegetables:

Tomatoes

One thick, long, devoid of any prickly nubs, cucumber. Make sure it’s weighty in your palm, and for heaven’s sake, when you get home don’t put it in the fridge. I like my darling vegetable to be warm to the touch.

Spring onions

Oh, and PLEASE don’t forget the paper towels

*Insert an hour going by and then Honey calls me*

“Hey, babe. Got your text.”

I can barely contain myself with glee. “Yeah.”

“And I was a little confused about one of the items so I asked George.”

My glee started to fade. “George?”

“The produce manager. Hang on…”

I hear Honey talking to some guy about…about…??? Nubs! OMG, right?

He gets back on the cell to talk to me. “Yeah, George assured me the nubby cukes are for pickling and not very big. After I showed him your text he helped me find the perfect one only…”

Only? Only I was going to brain Honey when he got home for traumatizing the poor grocery guy. “What?” Yeah, no glee now. Glee was all gone.

“He suggested you might like an English cucumber. The skin is thin and he says his chick digs those.”

His chick??? Digs? You notice how you can jumble those words around – as in take the ‘D’ off of digs and replace the ‘ch’ in chick with it? Unbelievable. Without missing a beat I said, “No thanks. They’re too skinny. I like length and girth, but don’t tell your new buddy that because he might be offended if his woman is into the skinny ones.”

Honey’s voice drops to a very intimate tone. “Riley, Riley, Riley. What am I going to do with?”

I knew what I was going to do with him. I was planning on smacking him over the head with the cucumber once he got it home. The gigantic rat.

“George’s girl is a vegan chef. That’s why she prefers the English version. Easier to cut. What did you have in mind, babe?”

What indeed? Dammit. Foiled again. 😉 *Thinks for a moment* Wait. I did get back at him over this on New Year’s. We had a few neighbors and family over to our place for dinner. Haha! I asked Honey to smoke some hot Italian sausages on the smoker for one reason only. Whenever I heard anyone comment on how great they were (I served them sliced as an appetizer before dinner with a really great sauce) I’d call to that person and say, “Oh, yes! I love, love, LOVE, Honey’s sausage.” Bah, ha, haaaa…! Drove him crazy for a time. Gotta love that.

 

Then we had our year end garage battle royale! This is a game we play that well…it goes something like this.

Honey is bored while he’s on holiday. He goes out to the garage and then comes in from said garage and pleasantly breezes, “Babe. I’m going to throw out those lamps that have been—”

Me not even looking up from kindle. “No.”

“But.”

“Nope.”

“Do we need to revisit the sunglass debacle?”

If you’d like to do that, here’s the link. Me not so much.

“Nope. I like those lamps.”

He usually huffs out an aggravated breath at this point and then starts growling. “Which ones? There’s twelve or more out there.”

*Cue my kindle lowering and me looking at him over my reading glasses* “I like all of them. Everyone. Why else would I have bought them?”

Ah…good times. He runs through every reason he believes I’m a hoarder who is trespassing on his domain. Who knew men get the exclusive use of the garage? Not me. Hence me using it to store my purchases. And then what do I do? Yeah, I get to tell him I’ll be saving him thousands of dollars when we one day use those lamps in rooms I shall light up with my thrifty purchases from yester-year.

*Looks right at you* I don’t know what I’d do if a year came and went without this annual showdown between us. I probably miss it…NOT!

And then there were a few surprises like…

The night I walked into the family room and found him watching Wheel Of Fortune on the tube. Honey doesn’t do shows like that so I asked him, “What gives with the game show?”

Without looking at me he shrugged. “Maybe tonight’s the night poor Pat blows his brains out from the never ending monotony. I wouldn’t want to miss that.”

I had to chuckle. “What about Vanna.”

“If she hasn’t had a slip and fall from those ghastly gowns by now, I’m pretty sure she’s got an angel watching over her.”

Of course there’s the opportunity for Honey to solve age old problems because he now has the time to do it being home for the holidays.

“Babe, I think I’m going to get up on the roof and…”

Me thinking we have company coming in less than an hour. “Nope.”

Next day.

“Babe, I thought I’d change the oil in your car…”

Me thinking to save what? 49 bucks, as opposed to a potential oil spill on our very expensive, interlocking bricked patio? “Nope.”

Next day.

“Babe, your mom wants another birdhouse and I thought…”

*Looks right at you and raises a dubious brow* The woman has three of them and not one feeds the birds. The fruit rats and squirrels? Oh yeah.

I sigh. “That’s sweet of you, but no.”

Next day.

“Babe, did you notice the dryer making a funny squeaking noise? I thought I’d take it apart and use some WD40…”

At this point, I was like, what the hell am I going to do with this man so I can get my story done? Then it came to me. “No I did not notice that, but funny you should say. Our girl was complaining about her dryer just last week. She also mentioned something about some loose shingles on her roof.”

“Really?”

And that was the end of that. Honey drove down to her place and all I got was a text. Not from Honey, but from our girl. This is the conversation.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

Me. “I know you were.”

“Dad’s made me go to Home Depot twice.”

“I’m sure he has.”

“Okay. How long do I have to babysit him for you? Just tell me and I’ll plan accordingly.”

I thought about this and then texted back. “Until I finish this threesome.”

“You do know if anyone read our text conversations they’d think we were bad people.”

“No, they’d think I was a sexual deviant and you were being abused.”

“I am being abused. Dad’s talking about changing the front windows!!! How long is dad off work?”

“Mom?”

“MOM???”

*Insert a dreamy sigh here* Again. Good times.

Which brings me to the holiday itself. We had a fab time. Lots of visiting, gifts, and making merry. Normally, I don’t talk about this kind of stuff, but Honey got me something very special this year.

Although I loved seeing the Tiffany boxes under the tree because how can you go wrong with jewelry from there, right? It was this that made me cry.

The WTF snow globe he found for me! Look! Yay!

photo-2-72

 

He bought it from someone. Whether it was a client or from an auction site I don’t know, but the fact that he remembered and went out of his way, means a lot to me. Later on, Christmas night when I told him that I knew he spent a lot on the jewelry, but the snow globe was my favorite present this year, he gave me a big hug and whispered, “That f*cking globe was just as costly, believe me.”

Haha! Poor guy. Meh, not so poor because I spoiled him this year, too.

So? *props chin in palm, and looks right at you* Did you have a great holiday and New year? Are you guys ready for 2017?I know I am. I’ve got a boat load of books to write!

I know I am. I’ve got a boat load of books to write! Can’t wait!

As always, thanks for stopping by!

Riley