I had to post this one since I was laughing my butt off over it.
There I am driving home from the store, mulling over what to blog about and I think: SEX.
Oh, don’t look at me like. It’s fun to write about, at least for me. 😀 But I digress, because my second thought was, you’re always writing about sex on account of your books.
*Insert me tapping my front tooth here as I ponder*
What to write about…?
And that’s when I had one of those crazy-eight kind of thought streams. I started thinking about the heroine in my story, Permit Me. About how she was always trying to do the right thing and after about twenty random other thoughts this came to me.
Always tell the truth.
And there I was sitting at the red light waiting for the green, thinking. I always tell the truth. I’m a good person. I—
Yes, my thoughts did a double-take. Haha! They went back to “I always tell the truth.”
There’s me thinking. OMG, if I always told the truth – if we always told the truth, what would happen?
*Looks right at you*
We’d wind up killing each other.
*Leans in to whisper for clarity*
That would be figuratively, not literally.
And, of course, I’m talking exclusively about Honey and me. But walk with me a second and let me explain about the levels of truth.
Level one is the smile you maintain while you tell your host that dinner was wonderful even though you stuffed half of your meal in your pocket because you couldn’t stomach a bite of it – but you didn’t want to hurt his/her feelings.
Level two lie, I’ll call the look away. It’s the one where you pin the ding on the new car on a runaway grocery cart, instead of on the pillar you hit when you opened the door because you couldn’t reach the container when you were at the drive-thru bank that day.
Level three? Let’s call this the red zone. It encompasses everything from coveting thy neighbor’s wife and way beyond.
Don’t know about you, but I always assume the best of people. Seriously, I’m always shocked when I find out negative things about people I know because it never occurs to me, you know?
Anyways, the point is, level one is lying to protect someone’s feelings. You don’t want the host to know you detested what they made, right? Level two is lying to protect your feelings. You already feel bad about hitting the pillar and making the mark on your new shiny baby, so no need to feel worse by telling your significant other who – will no doubt, harp about it, right?
And then there’s level three.
That’s the level I’m always referring to when I say I tell the truth.
So there’s me, driving down the street heading home, and laughing. Why? Because I started running those first two level scenarios over in my head. If we all told the truth in those moments, this is what it would look like.
The wife. “Honey, do you like my new top?”
The husband. “No, it makes you like old and fat.”
The wife. “Yeah, well you’re no spring chicken, and speaking of chicken, I’m not making dinner tonight.”
The husband. “Why? Because I told you the truth?”
The wife. “Yes, you idiot. The least you could have done is lie. But back to why I’m not making dinner for you. Do you want to know?
She glares at him as he nods and then she says, “Because I’m fat and old! We’ll be eating a lot of salads from now on and going to bed early – being the ancient person I am. Deal with it.”
The husband. “Babe, did you see there’s a big ding in the driver side door of the car.”
The wife. “Oh yes.”
The husband. “Do you know how it got there?”
The wife. “I do.”
The husband. “Do you mind telling me?”
The wife. “I bashed the door against one of those cement pillars at the bank.”
The husband. “How many times have I told you to watch those?”
The wife. “At least twenty times.”
The husband. “Is that all you have to say?”
The wife nods.
The husband. “That’s a bad ding.”
The husband. “It’s going to cost a fortune to get it fixed.”
The husband. “It won’t be worth going through insurance with the deductible and all.”
The husband. “Didn’t I tell you to use the outside lane? It doesn’t have a pillar.”
The husband. “I wonder if I can touch it up myself.”
The husband. “When did you do it?”
The husband. “Never mind. I’m already depressed. You weren’t hiding this from me, were you?”
The husband. “Didn’t you say that your new friend’s husband is a mechanic. Maybe we can get a discount.”
The husband stops at the front door before he goes to recheck the damage. “You didn’t answer. When did this happen?”
The husband turns and is shocked to see his wife isn’t in the room.
Now why did she leave the room?
She told a level two truth and that’s *points at the above text* is the thanks she gets for it! Talk about depressed!
For this one, we need some props. Like…a spiky strident, an equally spiky tail, and a devil to go along with the ensemble. We also need a handsome older man with thick, flowing white hair, blue eyes, and a robe that any fashionista would die to own.
I say this, because there’s no husband and wife in this scenario. Why? Level three lies require the deft hand of divinity as it’s a battle for the soul.
I see this playing out like a boxing match. A, he said, she did, type thing with a few “Oh, yeah, wells” thrown in.
*Wags a finger at you* I know what you’re thinking. If it’s really bad stuff that’s been done at the level three all the souls are going to hell, right?
You can’t just say, “Hey, you there with the green jacket on, step away from the pearly gates. You committed murder, so you are going to ashes and cinders territory.”
Did I mention that the man in the green jacket was military?
Or, maybe, it was worn by a man who lost control of his vehicle when he had a survivable heart attack and ran someone over.
Or, maybe, it belonged to a woman who administered the wrong dosage of medicine to a patient on her nightly rounds.
You see? What the ancient law defines as “murder” comes in many different forms, so, the way I see it? Divine intervention is a must in these kinds of cases. And, in these kinds of cases there’s bound to be surprises. Especially if I’m writing it.
What if, the military man saved more lives than he took? Wouldn’t God call dibs on his soul?
What about the man in the car who had a true and uncontrollable accident. God might be ready to duke it out with Satan over him, but then it comes to light that the driver kicked his dog, beat his wife regularly, and cheated every chance he got when he gambled.
Hm…I’d be thinking Satan would be rubbing his hands together, no?
And what about the woman?
*Hikes a brow at you* My bet is, her own guilt would cement her path to cinders and ashes territory before God and Satan even got a chance to get in the ring over her.
A shame, really, because out of the three scenarios hers was the most heart breaking because she’d dedicated her life to saving and helping lives, and with the event of one mistake, all that joy was taken away from her.
So, what do you think God would say about this? Or Satan for that matter?
Heheheh. I bet you guys are wishing right about now that I’d taken a short cut home. This seems to be taking forever, no? 😉
I’ll tell you what I think. I think they’d both want her. One would lay claim because she’s given more than she’s taken in life, and the other would lay claim to her, because she broke the rules, and he’d have a chance to steal an angel without breaking the law the way it’s written.
It was at this point that I realized it all comes down to guilt and association. The two men who went before the woman let their fates be decided by higher powers, while a woman?
Yeah, she can’t seem to keep her trap shut long enough to be let off the hook.
That’s why we need level one and two on the scale of lies. Without them, there wouldn’t be any women in heaven.
Wow. When you look it like that – heaven is hell and hell is heaven because all the bad doers don’t feel any guilt and waltz through the gates.
Seriously, think about it. I watched a movie a while back. And in it the bad king had to sacrifice those he loved to get power. There I was watching his beautiful wife being thrown into the pool of water and this snake-type person surface to take her down. Then later, his beautiful and virtuous daughter gets thrown into the pool and is taken down.
It didn’t take me a minute to realize that the underworld is filled with some beautiful people, you know what I mean? Think about it.
I told Honey my thought while we were watching that flick, and after he stared at me for a full thirty seconds he said, “You’re determined to wreck every movie I watch, aren’t you?”
I didn’t blink, when I replied, “Absolutely not.”
You see? That right there was a level two, because I am SO going to bust his balls when he makes me watch movies only he enjoys. >:)
Do you agree with my lie-o-meter? Disagree? Or are you going to pull a level one in comments and not hurt my feelings?
Hey, now…I’m made of tougher stuff. You can tell me. 😊
Okay. Now, onto our giveaway.
We already have an Amazon gift card, so why don’t we do some chocolate covered strawberries delivered to your home (if you live in the US) – if not, and you win, I will purchase a gift card in the amount of the prize that will be included with the other stuff we’re going to be adding in the coming weeks.
Here’s what they will look like.
How’s everyone doing? Good, I hope! You guys know the drill. If you are a subscriber you’re already entered for one chance to win. With each new comment you post on the posts during the giveaway weeks your name will be added again for every comment for more chances to win.
Yay! I love reading comments.
And, as always, thanks for stopping by.