Honey, Honey, Honey. HONEY!

Okay, when reading that title you’re supposed to sing it to the tune of, Money, money, money. Money!

Why?

Because Honey is priceless. 😉

Example?

Absolutely, I’m so glad you asked.

Imagine me and Honey lying next to each other in bed. The two of us are staring at the ceiling in the dark, when he whispers, “Are you sleeping?”

*Looks right at you* WTH? We just got into bed, so unless he laced my water with Rohypnol, or knocked me over the head with a brick…? “Nope.”

“Can I ask you something about space? And, I’m begging you, babe, please don’t go off on the topic about how you think we’ve been played by NASA and there’s more going on in our universe than the Space guys are telling us, okay?”

*And now I’m staring owl-eyed at you –kicking my feet in frustration because you guys know me well enough to know that this will never happen without a huge amount of restraint on my part.*

I take a deep breath and deliver the biggest lie ever. “Sure.”

“Ready?”

Honey’s so cute. “Shoot.”

Do you think getting it on in zero gravity would be better than in regular old gravity? Say, an intense vertical floating-in-limbo Mumba for hours?”

I invoke the mighty snow globe here!

Bah! You see? This is why I love Honey. Instead of me launching into the oodles of bones I have to pick with NASA over them “just now” finding seven planets – SEVEN planets! So what? Did they all of a sudden remember to dust off their Hubble telescope? — but yep, I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah. Instead of talking about being ripped off, I was lying there trying to work out the logistics of Honey’s brilliant question. Any of you guys ever thought of space in those terms? Yes? No? Whatcha think about that major 7 planet discovery? Here’s the link if you didn’t see it on the news. Inquiring mind wants to know.

Now for the continuation of our build-a-giveaway. This is what we’ve got so far. (click here) to view.

And this is what we’re adding.

It’s a great game to play with adults and kids. You have to drop the metal ball into the best planet spot. It’s not easy. My suggestion? Buy some cheap scratch-off lottery tickets and challenge the kids to compete to win one them. *Leans in to whisper* If you don’t have the kids for the night? No problem. Sometimes Honey and I play games like this for other kinds of prizes.

*Taps index fingernail on front tooth and thinks not at all* Ah…like the loser has to do all the winners chores the next day.

*Bursts out laughing and lifts a brow at you*

Like I’d every play that game. ‘Nuff said.

Hey, don’t look at me like that. I’m still thinking about that zero gravity hook-up. Talk about out of this world!

Exciting times, right? 7 new planets! Have you seen any of NASA’s patches? Interestingly enough, there are 7 stars/planets on them dating back to the 60’s, but I promised Honey I wasn’t going to “go there”. One question, though. I know. Sorry. I can’t help myself.

Were the patch makers psychic or was it a major coinkydink with the 7? Yeah, yeah, I told you, I drive Honey nuts. Fortunately, that fits right in with my evil plans on how I want to spend the rest of my days here on earth. Sucks to be him, poor guy. >:D

Here are a few of the patches. See what I mean?

Wow, it’s been too long. I’ve missed you guys!

Alrighty, you know the drill. If you are a subscriber you’re already entered into the drawing, but if you leave a comment on all the “build-a-giveaway posts” (I think we’re at three and should go to five so keep checking back) your name gets added to the hat for the drawing. With each additional comment. More chances to win. Yay.

Good luck!

My thought for today given that we’re talking about space? I believe the majority of people on this planet prefer to live in a peaceful world, so let’s remove the obstacles and get it done!

So exciting! I understand there are many more innovative technologies to be released over the next few years. Don’t know how they’ll stack up to Honey’s 7 minutes in inertia heaven idea, but I’m thrilled at the prospect, non-the-less.

As always, thanks for stopping by!

Riley

The Blind, The Deaf, and A Determined Alpha Male…

 

I bet you can’t guess where this is going. *thinks for exactly a half of a second and then deadpans at you* NOT! You guys know for sure this is going to be a classic Honey story!

*Shrug*

That’s why I love you. *Rubs hands together* Okay, where to start?

Last night Honey made dinner because of the deal we carved out long ago. It goes something like this. If I call the in-laws and speak to them at length, he does the cooking and taking care of Madge (my mom). A fair trade, right? I mean while I have an interesting discussion with my MIL, he’s putting together our hunk of meat with two sides of carbohydrates. Yeah, he’s never gotten the corn and baked potato combo right, and quite frankly, I’m getting too old to fight about such things. There are only so many times you can say, “Put some frigging greens on the plate!” Before you silently say to yourself “Screw the salad. I’ll skip the taters.”

Hey, do you guys want to see how the in-law game works in our house? It goes like this:

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Kidding. We love our jack- *cough, cough* in-laws!

But to get back to Honey and Madge. After I finish with my conversation with his family, I head into the kitchen which is connected to our family room. And what do I find besides the double carbs cooking and the BBQ outside the window smoking away? Honey and Madge discussing the movie he’s put on for my mom.

I love Madge, but it would be remiss of me not to tell you that in her earlier years (those I will categorize as every day before she turned eighty-five) she was a piece of work. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while you might remember some of the Madge capers. If not, let me assure you. The woman could have put the CIA, FBI, and sneaky little spying aliens in yonder deep-space a run for their flying saucers. Now, however, she’s lost a little steam in the comprehension department. It doesn’t slow her down, which is frightening for me, but it is sad when she’s watching a movie or something because we get a clear picture into the world she now lives in. It’s a place that makes it hard for her to connect certain dots.

But not to worry. Honey is always there to the rescue. Nice and scary at the same time. Check this out. He put on a romantic comedy for her to watch and when she didn’t get the simple boy-meets-girl plot with added conflict for a grand resolve, I hear Honey explaining when the characters wind up in a heated embrace behind some drying bed sheets hanging in a yard.

“Yeah, it’s okay, because they were married before. They didn’t have any kids and it had been a while since they met up again.”

As I’d seen the movie before, there is me thinking, That’s not right.

And Madge nodding. “Good. I was wondering why the two of them were so frisky for each other.”

Then Honey starts to dig in deeper with his explanation of things and even I’m enthralled. By the time he was done speaking about all kinds of events that purportedly happened to this couple – a robbery that had happened at some point bringing this couple together, the kidnapping of one of their dogs, being abducted by aliens, the car chase, and the natural disaster they had lived through only to be separated in the end by their differing dreams, my jaw was resting on the floor. For a second I thought he was gas-lighting my mom when I wasn’t around, and maybe she wasn’t legitimately losing her marbles. But then I noticed something. My mom was paying attention to the movie now with more focus and enthusiasm. That’s when it hit me. Honey had rewritten the script to get her invested.

Oh sure, he’d borrowed themes from Natural Born Killers, Independence Day, Bengi, Gone In Sixty Seconds, and Dante’s Peak, but did that matter if the end result was Mom being engaged in this couple’s journey? I didn’t think so until I heard her ask.

“Where’s the dragon?”

Aaaaand, that’s when I did a double-take. Dragons? Seriously? *Looks right at you* They were watching The Wedding Planner!

Honey didn’t miss a beat. “You see? You’re not the only one around here who’s forgetful. The dragons aren’t in this movie. I just realized that those guys are going to show up in the sequel.”

Listening to my mom tell Honey that it was okay. That she knew how tough it was to forget, my heart smiled, you know? But then he started to tell her about this sequel that never was and I realized the man was nuts. Somehow his dragons had morphed into the Land Before Time, but if my mom noticed he was mixing up the dinosaur/dragon thing she never said a word. She just made him promise that when it came out, he’d buy it for her.

Aw…I waited a minute or two and then I went to give him a hug. While I did, I closed my eyes and whispered to him, “I love your version of movies for Mom.”

And he whispered back, “Great because I have a really dirty version of Last Tango in Paris I’m going to share with you, later on tonight.”

Bah! Me thinks the man was put on this earth to drive me crazy! Meh, I’m not going to complain. Why? This is what I love best about him.

Which got me to thinking…If you guys get nothing else from my blog posts and stories, I hope you get this one thing. We are all connected in amazing ways to the people around us, that has nothing to do with business, politics, race, or gender, but there is one thing we all have in common that we can’t escape. A worldview. I’m privileged enough to share mine with you through my stories and blog posts, so I hope you know it goes something like this.

Time is precious because it’s finite.

Love is consuming because it touches the soul.

But, yeah, if I was going to give you the Reader’s Digest version of such Homely-Philosopher-deep ponderings 😀 I’d liken people to crayons. Oh, don’t look at me like that. Work with me here. People are like crayons because they each have their own shade to color their world with. My favorite color is blue. Why? It’s the canvas of the sky that’s filled with limitless possibilities.

I asked Honey what his favorite color was and he said green. When I asked him why he told me it reminded him of the forest.

You see? Our worldviews are different. While I tended to take our children out to the backyard on a Sunday morning to stretch out on lawn chairs and play “catch a cloud and tell me what shape it is”, Honey would choose to take the kids on a long nature walk through the forests he loves.

The takeaway here? If we both shared the same worldview our children would never know these two vastly different ways of exploring the world around them. Different is good. That’s what makes people unique. If we all had the same thoughts and motivations driving our similar ideas, the concept of being “limitless” would cease to exist.

Just my .02.

*Leans in to whisper to you* Doesn’t mean I don’t think playing a game of catching clouds blows examining twigs and rocks in a forest, out of the water. 😉 It just means, I would never denigrate or prejudge my children for voicing their joy to me over one way, or the other. Why? Simple. Mutual respect. This is their journey in life, not mine.

Oh, and, I don’t just play catch the clouds. I also play find the face, man, or structure in items around my house. Here are a few examples. True story!

Remember these?

*sigh* I miss my ice dick maker machine. I never should have replaced it. No fun! 🙁

Then remember this guy?

I miss him too! Doo-Doo devil guy. Did I mention my father-in-law spent a whole afternoon erasing him when my MIL and I went shopping? 🙁

And now this.

Can you see the face made of out of the wrinkle in the fabric? Yep, yes, that would be me. There I am walking along and I see the face today, and I run to get the camera. Haha! If it ain’t clouds…

So, *props chin in palm and bats eyelashes at you* what color in the crayon box makes you happy?

As always thanks for stopping by!

Oh, and Permit Me is in the final stages before release, so I think we should start our build-a-giveaway soon. Can’t wait!

Riley

Ménage à trois, HONEY, AND A CUCUMBER…

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A Valentine for Two: Contemporary Menage Box Set by [Davis, Lia, Dawson, Angelica, Skye, Auriella, Wylde, Sara, Reeve, TL, Carr, Cassandra, Morgan, Nicole, Kuhn, N, Brent, Amy, Quinn, Dylan]

 

A little 2017 surprise! This is my smoking hot ménage story that is set to release on Valentine’s Day. I’m in this anthology with a whole bunch of talented authors! Lia Davis
Angelica Dawson, Auriella Skye, Sara Wylde, TL Reeve, Cassandra Carr, Dylan Quinn, Nicole Morgan, N Kuhn, Amy Brent.

The collection is up for preorder on Amazon – just click the picture above if you want to nab this while it’s on sale for 0.99 cents! What a deal!

Honey taking down the tree

 

Now For Honey who was home for the holidays. *Looks right at you* Home. With. Me. *Shakes head* Here’s how that went…

Man, I couldn’t let this one go. Seriously. You’ll see why in a minute. Let us call this little Honeyism, “The Way Things Were!”

Why you may ask? Simple. Life has changed for me in a big way.

How you may ask? Easy. I have learned how to use the text to speech application on my phone.

*Deadpans* If you don’t have this ability ask Santie Claus to bring you a new phone with this magic on it as a post-holiday present. Holy moly! Life changing is understating what this new feature has done for me (not really new – but much like the car navigation system that I never learned how to use correctly) this speech thing is awesome!!!

Example? Honey had to visit a couple of job sites over the holidays, so one particular time I suggested that he stop at the grocery store on his way home. Only? I discovered he forgot the grocery list I’d written for him on the counter.

No problem.

I did my nifty microphone text magic but, um, *cough, cough* It occurred to me whilst I was doing it that I could have some fun here. Heheheheh.

The list went something like this:

Milk

Eggs

Sour cream

(I listed a few more various general items here)

Then I get to the vegetables:

Tomatoes

One thick, long, devoid of any prickly nubs, cucumber. Make sure it’s weighty in your palm, and for heaven’s sake, when you get home don’t put it in the fridge. I like my darling vegetable to be warm to the touch.

Spring onions

Oh, and PLEASE don’t forget the paper towels

*Insert an hour going by and then Honey calls me*

“Hey, babe. Got your text.”

I can barely contain myself with glee. “Yeah.”

“And I was a little confused about one of the items so I asked George.”

My glee started to fade. “George?”

“The produce manager. Hang on…”

I hear Honey talking to some guy about…about…??? Nubs! OMG, right?

He gets back on the cell to talk to me. “Yeah, George assured me the nubby cukes are for pickling and not very big. After I showed him your text he helped me find the perfect one only…”

Only? Only I was going to brain Honey when he got home for traumatizing the poor grocery guy. “What?” Yeah, no glee now. Glee was all gone.

“He suggested you might like an English cucumber. The skin is thin and he says his chick digs those.”

His chick??? Digs? You notice how you can jumble those words around – as in take the ‘D’ off of digs and replace the ‘ch’ in chick with it? Unbelievable. Without missing a beat I said, “No thanks. They’re too skinny. I like length and girth, but don’t tell your new buddy that because he might be offended if his woman is into the skinny ones.”

Honey’s voice drops to a very intimate tone. “Riley, Riley, Riley. What am I going to do with?”

I knew what I was going to do with him. I was planning on smacking him over the head with the cucumber once he got it home. The gigantic rat.

“George’s girl is a vegan chef. That’s why she prefers the English version. Easier to cut. What did you have in mind, babe?”

What indeed? Dammit. Foiled again. 😉 *Thinks for a moment* Wait. I did get back at him over this on New Year’s. We had a few neighbors and family over to our place for dinner. Haha! I asked Honey to smoke some hot Italian sausages on the smoker for one reason only. Whenever I heard anyone comment on how great they were (I served them sliced as an appetizer before dinner with a really great sauce) I’d call to that person and say, “Oh, yes! I love, love, LOVE, Honey’s sausage.” Bah, ha, haaaa…! Drove him crazy for a time. Gotta love that.

 

Then we had our year end garage battle royale! This is a game we play that well…it goes something like this.

Honey is bored while he’s on holiday. He goes out to the garage and then comes in from said garage and pleasantly breezes, “Babe. I’m going to throw out those lamps that have been—”

Me not even looking up from kindle. “No.”

“But.”

“Nope.”

“Do we need to revisit the sunglass debacle?”

If you’d like to do that, here’s the link. Me not so much.

“Nope. I like those lamps.”

He usually huffs out an aggravated breath at this point and then starts growling. “Which ones? There’s twelve or more out there.”

*Cue my kindle lowering and me looking at him over my reading glasses* “I like all of them. Everyone. Why else would I have bought them?”

Ah…good times. He runs through every reason he believes I’m a hoarder who is trespassing on his domain. Who knew men get the exclusive use of the garage? Not me. Hence me using it to store my purchases. And then what do I do? Yeah, I get to tell him I’ll be saving him thousands of dollars when we one day use those lamps in rooms I shall light up with my thrifty purchases from yester-year.

*Looks right at you* I don’t know what I’d do if a year came and went without this annual showdown between us. I probably miss it…NOT!

And then there were a few surprises like…

The night I walked into the family room and found him watching Wheel Of Fortune on the tube. Honey doesn’t do shows like that so I asked him, “What gives with the game show?”

Without looking at me he shrugged. “Maybe tonight’s the night poor Pat blows his brains out from the never ending monotony. I wouldn’t want to miss that.”

I had to chuckle. “What about Vanna.”

“If she hasn’t had a slip and fall from those ghastly gowns by now, I’m pretty sure she’s got an angel watching over her.”

Of course there’s the opportunity for Honey to solve age old problems because he now has the time to do it being home for the holidays.

“Babe, I think I’m going to get up on the roof and…”

Me thinking we have company coming in less than an hour. “Nope.”

Next day.

“Babe, I thought I’d change the oil in your car…”

Me thinking to save what? 49 bucks, as opposed to a potential oil spill on our very expensive, interlocking bricked patio? “Nope.”

Next day.

“Babe, your mom wants another birdhouse and I thought…”

*Looks right at you and raises a dubious brow* The woman has three of them and not one feeds the birds. The fruit rats and squirrels? Oh yeah.

I sigh. “That’s sweet of you, but no.”

Next day.

“Babe, did you notice the dryer making a funny squeaking noise? I thought I’d take it apart and use some WD40…”

At this point, I was like, what the hell am I going to do with this man so I can get my story done? Then it came to me. “No I did not notice that, but funny you should say. Our girl was complaining about her dryer just last week. She also mentioned something about some loose shingles on her roof.”

“Really?”

And that was the end of that. Honey drove down to her place and all I got was a text. Not from Honey, but from our girl. This is the conversation.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

Me. “I know you were.”

“Dad’s made me go to Home Depot twice.”

“I’m sure he has.”

“Okay. How long do I have to babysit him for you? Just tell me and I’ll plan accordingly.”

I thought about this and then texted back. “Until I finish this threesome.”

“You do know if anyone read our text conversations they’d think we were bad people.”

“No, they’d think I was a sexual deviant and you were being abused.”

“I am being abused. Dad’s talking about changing the front windows!!! How long is dad off work?”

“Mom?”

“MOM???”

*Insert a dreamy sigh here* Again. Good times.

Which brings me to the holiday itself. We had a fab time. Lots of visiting, gifts, and making merry. Normally, I don’t talk about this kind of stuff, but Honey got me something very special this year.

Although I loved seeing the Tiffany boxes under the tree because how can you go wrong with jewelry from there, right? It was this that made me cry.

The WTF snow globe he found for me! Look! Yay!

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He bought it from someone. Whether it was a client or from an auction site I don’t know, but the fact that he remembered and went out of his way, means a lot to me. Later on, Christmas night when I told him that I knew he spent a lot on the jewelry, but the snow globe was my favorite present this year, he gave me a big hug and whispered, “That f*cking globe was just as costly, believe me.”

Haha! Poor guy. Meh, not so poor because I spoiled him this year, too.

So? *props chin in palm, and looks right at you* Did you have a great holiday and New year? Are you guys ready for 2017?I know I am. I’ve got a boat load of books to write!

I know I am. I’ve got a boat load of books to write! Can’t wait!

As always, thanks for stopping by!

Riley

Yay! It’s Laundry Lottery Day!

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I know I haven’t posted in a while, but let’s just say, I’m back now so buckle up.

*Insert me twirling my handlebar mustache here, just before I tie you to the train so you are forced to listen*

So, um…laundry lottery, you say?

Yup. That would have been yesterday, and if you refer to the above picture you will see that I scored from Honey’s pockets big-time this week.

Imagine me checking out the excavated treasures. Now to identify.

Looks at the wad of blue paint tape all squashed and thinks, “Meh, he cut himself again and taped up the wound until it stopped bleeding. No good to me.”

I toss the tape ball in the garbage.

Picks up that blue plastic thing and then puts it aside for the moment. But seriously. WTH is it?

Then looks at the tile spacer. (Psst. That’s the white ‘X’ plastic thing on top of the black rubber thing) and decides, “Don’t care about that as Honey has a kabbillion of them being a contractor and all.”

Seeew, ‘X’ marks the spot right on top of the blue tape in the garbage with that.

Now *turns and narrows eyes at you* that black rubber thing? Color me curious because it happens to be the bottom part of the heel to one of my favorite pairs of shoes. Why is this find concerning me? Well, I’ll tell you. Honey was supposed to have taken that piece of rubber, along with my shoes to the repair store AND not to be too suspicious about all this, but he’s been hedging about repair timeframe whenever I ask on the ETA of my shoes being returned to me.

*Shakes head*

What does this find tell me? The freaking guy thinks he lost the piece and he doesn’t know how to admit it to me.

Perfect. So this item? Imma keeping it for future blackmail purposes.

*Moves along*

The keychain medallion thing? I have no idea what that is, so I put it and the blue thing in the basket that houses all our mystery household items. The collection of which is impressive. Trust me.

And then?

Score!

Two twenties and a Ten. Oh, sure there’s some loose coins which I later deemed to be very useful when Honey finally got home, but a cool 50 bucks? Yeah.

*Smiles gleefully, prepared to whistle a jaunty tune and walk off when I notice how solemn you are. It’s your quizzical silence that makes me stop and turn to look at you*

Oh, don’t give me that face. What? *cups hand to ear to better hear you* You guys want to know how coins were useful? Simple. When Honey got home yesterday I told him I found some money while I was doing his laundry. I held out that loose change and asked him if he wanted it back.

What did he do?

He perused the meager coins in my palm and said, “No, babe. You keep it.”

What did I do?

I made sure he saw my wide-eyed and innocent expression. “Are you sure?”

Of course, he said yes, but before you call me out for being a complete and utter sneaky rat for not including the bills, remember one thing. I know the man like the back of my hand. The minute he thought he’d lost the piece to my shoe he didn’t bother taking my beloved’s to the repair place. He probably ditched them and is only waiting for the right time to tell me about the tragedy.

Moral of the story? I’m using his fifty bucks – and then some – to eventually replace my much-beloved gear once he comes clean about what he did.

Men!!!

But hey, you notice this laundry story is all about clean. First, his clothes being cleaned before he will have to come clean and tell me about my shoes!

Interesting eh…?

As always, thanks for stopping by!

Riley

Up next I will be listing winners of the flipping the bird hook and the build-a-giveaway. I will also be sharing my cover of PERMIT ME! This is Caleb and Genevieve’s story!

 

 

 

 

 

IT’S A TOPSY-TURVY WORLD OUT THERE…

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Before I tell you about the latest Honeyism, I wanted to let those of you know who read my books, that there’s a brand new one nearly ready for release! This is Caleb and Genevieve’s story. That’s pronounced Jen-vee-ev, but he call’s her Frenchie, because she is. Well, he also calls her Geneva, like the convention, and you’ll have to read the book to find out why. 🙂

Meet Caleb’s Frenchie! 😉

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The story is a long one, so I will be posting teasers over the next few weeks. I have a tentative release date of October 31st! Can’t wait!

PERMIT ME by RILEY MURPHY

She saved his life and as a reward, she wants his hand in marriage.

Here’s a teaser…

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NOTE: I’ll be doing a cover release in a week or so!

Okay, now for a slice of my life. As some of you have already noticed, (thanks for the emails, btw) I haven’t posted a blog in a while and there’s a reason for that. I haven’t been able to sit for longer than an hour at my desk for the past few weeks. Why? My mom fell and when I picked her up I wrenched my back. *Wags finger at you* Don’t look at me like that. The woman is 100 pounds soaking wet and I’ve done this numerous times before. *Pinkie swears*

BUT! What hasn’t happened before is my mom falling a second time when I tried to steady her. She fell to the right and I automatically caught her and leaned to a hard left so we both wouldn’t go down. The moral of that story? Don’t ever, EVER, do that, guys! Seriously. I should have had a chair nearby to sit her in before I picked her up the first time. *le sigh* Now she’s motoring around the place and me? Decrepit. That’s the best way to describe how I’m moving at the moment.

Now, I could spend hours going over all my woes, but I didn’t like having to live through them so I’m going to save you all the grief of having to read it. Long story short? I am not a good patient. I’m much better when I get to play nurse Bambi. 😉

The upside of all this? I’ve put my dreams of becoming a star student at a yoga academy to rest. Why? Well, for starts the person who invented this mode of torture was an evil genius. Translation? Yoga stretches are not for me. Maybe I’m too short. When I lamented this fact to Honey what did he say?

“Try inflexible.”

Drat! He’s probably onto something there.

I’ve also learned that chewing on tinfoil with dental fillings isn’t the only type of electric shock discomfort I can’t stand. My back – in the L4-L5 area? Was not good. Yeah, every time I moved left or right it was that shock-like tinfoil being chewed kind of sensation I felt, but only in my spine. Do you know how many times in the course of one day a person moves left or right? I do. I counted! *Insert Homer Simpson shudder here* Oh, and did I mention that I have this thing about taking medication – as in, I don’t like to? True story. So there’s me toughing it out – flat on my back, unable to sit at my desk or comfortably work with a keyboard to get words down for two weeks. What did I do? I went old school. College ruled notebooks. Great right?

*Looks right at you*

Not great! I wrote the whole book and I can’t read my writing!!! *Cries* Just this morning I was reading a passage and I’m squinting over a word. I’m sounding it out. Here’s me. “Is it slain? Stay? Stain? Slang?” I go back and read the whole sentence. “Convertible in tire our slain mean confused.”

Um…yeah, I’m confused.

Turns out the ‘s’ word was “skin”. As in “comfortable in their own skin”! I may as well toss the frigging books out. *Cries harder*

Which brings me to Honey. I want you to keep my monumental WHOLE 380 PAGE CURSIVE STORY MESS problem in mind while I tell you about his most pressing recent upsets. To set this up, we’re in the living room during morning coffee time. He’s bringing me the java. Here’s the conversation.

“I can already tell today’s going to be a beast.”

Me trying not to wince when that creepy and instantaneous electric shock pain wave shoots through me. “Why do you say?”

***Pauses here for a minute to mention that you guys may want to sit down for this. I wouldn’t want anyone to fall over and injure themselves when they hear the disparaging news. Seated? Good. I shall carry on. Ready?***

Honey sits and then shakes his head. “We (as in he because I’ve been going to bed early to get better faster) forgot to turn on the dishwasher last night and there were no small spoons. I had to use a big one.”

Me blink, blink. “So?”

“I make the perfect cups of coffee every morning because I have the correct tools. These cups might be too sweet.”

And there I am trying to figure out how I’m going to get the stupid cup to my mouth without feeling one of those yucky twinges when I realize he’s serious.

Men!

I’m sure my tone was bland when I muttered, “This is why you think the day is going to be beastly. You had to use a tablespoon instead of a teaspoon?”

“Yeah. That and we’re out of cream. I had to put milk in mine. I hate that.”

Yeah, grocery shopping for me is off the table at the moment so…meh, I drink my coffee black so all I did was stare at him.

That’s when he said, “It’s a topsy-turvy world out there.”

I guessed that the Topsy “out there” he was speaking of was our kitchen and the turvy part came from me not sticking to our nightly routine as I usually turn on the dishwasher before bed. Which got me to thinking. My coffee was in my favorite mug. The mug I drank out of yesterday morning. What a guy, right? Obviously, he went through the trouble of washing my favorite mug when he could have given me a different one, no?

After I mentioned this to him, thanking him, he frowned. “Don’t thank me because there’s a funny thing about that.”

*Nothing but my eyes move as I look at you* The only time Honey prefaces anything with “funny thing about that” is when he’s trying to downplay how mad I’m going to be after I learn about the non-funny thing he’s done now.

*Deep breath* as I return to eye him and wait for him to drop the bomb.

“I didn’t realize the dishes in the dishwasher were still dirty until I had the coffee poured and I tried to find a spoon.”

That’s when I noticed there was a dried coffee drip on the side of my mug and I hadn’t even taken a sip. *Turns my whole head now to look at you* Do you believe this guy?

I raise a brow at him. “So I’m drinking out of a dirty mug?”

He raised a brow right back at me. “Don’t I always tell you not to rinse the dishes before you put them in there?”

What one had to do with the other made me shake my head until he said.

“I wasn’t going to say anything but on Saturday when I unloaded the dishwasher it wasn’t until I got to putting the last fork in the drawer that I realized the who load I’d just put away hadn’t even been washed.”

I put down my mug, unmindful of the back twinges. “Tell me you loaded them back in there and washed them.”

He slowly shook his head. “The machine would have been running all night.”

Even though I knew the answer I had to ask, “So what you’re telling me is that we’ve been eating off of dirty dishes for two days? Is that it?”

“That would be my estimate.” And before I could even get my head around this he popped his brows at me. “Topsy-turvy. Am I right?”

Well, as it turns out, he may have been right with his T & T observation, but he’d been horribly wrong about sharing the dirt with me – pun intended.

Bottom line? Honey got in big – big as in huge –trouble! And me? I realized I better stay healthy so I can keep an eye on things – otherwise Honey just might kill me! 😉

Hope all you guys are doing well. Geez, we still haven’t done our drawing for a build-a-giveaway. We have to fix that! These are the items in the drawing.

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This is the front

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This is the back.

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A twenty-five dollar Amazon gift card.

And I’m adding

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A “YOU HAD ME AT SPANK!” dog tag

And since most of you guys liked this:

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I’m going to do a separate drawing for this item at the same time. So there will be two winners!

One winner will win the pillow, the 25.00 gift card, and the dog tag.

And the other winner will win the “flipping the bird” wall hook.

Yay! I say we do both drawings a week today. That will be Sept 30th 2016. Comments on this post will be counted as well.

If you are a subscriber you’re already entered one time for each drawing, but with every additional comment on posts, your name gets added for additional chances to win. So don’t forget to leave a comment. Comments on this post will be counted as well.

Have a great weekend and as always – Thanks for stopping by!

Riley