So You Think A Little Poisoning Is Going To Stop Me?

 

That would be a big NOPE!

I actually wrote this post yesterday, but it disappeared, so imma going to rewrite it.

*Le sigh*

It probably won’t be as funny. Dammit!

I was telling you guys about my mom, Honey, me & the game show Jeopardy. We love watching the show with her because she thinks we’re great at it.

Which we’re not.

She does a big thumbs up or gushes over how smart we are when we get an answer.

Don’t ask.

The question, “Who’s buried in Grant’s tomb?”

I say Lou, and she says, “That’s great. Close, but it was Ulysses S.” 😉

Which is funny, you know? Because she’s serious and meh, now that I think about maybe I was too.

But the other night the question was about something like, What did so-and-so ride? Don’t quote me – but it was something like that. And I said something fabulous and innovative like “A horse.”

Mom clapped and gave me the nod. You see? She’s great for the ego, isn’t she?

Anyways, Honey said, “A beaver.”

And there’s me thinking he was whispering low because he was unsure of the answer…or? Hm. Given a moment to think about the answer I was like *Insert me tapping my index fingernail on my front tooth here*

I stopped tapping and turned to him. “A beaver?”

He gave me a look with eyes sparkling and said, “Yeah. Beaver.”

I was just about to shake my head when he added, “A man can ride that over and over again.”

Bah! I Laughed MAO!

Man, I’m sure the conversation was funnier two days ago when the details were fresh, but it still puts a smile on my face.

It even allowed us to segue into another fascinating conversation this morning. About what, you may ask? Another Jeopardy question. You see, last night I missed the final one so Honey put it out there.

The question was, “What structure did a creature build on earth that can be seen from space?”

There’s me without blinking once even, “A beaver dam! A damn beaver built a dam!”

He says, no and then I say, “The great wall of China.”

To which he gets this very superior look on his face and says, “It’s amazing. That’s what all three contestants said and they got it wrong. How arrogant is man that he always assumes man built the object – because in this case he didn’t.”

And there’s me blinking up a storm now thinking, hang on a minute. I said beaver. Beaver I said first. <- Catch my little Yoda ism there? Heheheh! When I point out to him that I gave beaver as my first answer he practically brushed me off and then he ended with something like, “You’re not the average person.”

Hmm…

His comment should have made me happy, but I somehow don’t think it was a compliment. 😉 *Thinks for a second and then brightens up* Of course it was a compliment. I’m delightful. 😉

Speaking of delightful. Guess what I had done? The city water guys where I live came and took water samples for bacteria in our drinking water (we have city water in the house). I’m interested to see what they find since they assured me that there was no arsenic in their water. That arsenic wasn’t a problem. That they tested for it quarterly. That they’d just recently tested for it. In fact, the test results were so good – that they were going to send them to me yesterday. *Shrugs* but they never did. So what did Riley do? She hopped on their website to have a look for those test results and what did she find?

A bid for arsenic to be removed from one of their water plant stations.

*Stares right at you and says in the same voice Gary would say this in, “Whatcha talking about Willis?*

Seriously?

It’s very rarely that I am shocked, but I was to see this buried on their site. So why don’t you all drum your fingers with me while I wait to see how long they get back to me about this and I can safeguard my family. Hopefully, when they confirm they will take the time to tell my neighbors. I’m hoping that this isolated since my home was on a dead end circuit that was recently corrected. I’d hate to think anyone else has gone through what I have.

I go to see a different doctor tomorrow and I’ve taken more vitamins (had a panel done and was really low on all kinds of things – crazy, never been that way before) but alas, I digress. The point I am trying to make here is this. Arsenic can kiss my *ss! I’m over it and the people who weren’t honest enough to tell me the truth when I poured my heart out to them after I called them about it.

Do ya think that Honey is over this? Yeah, don’t ask. My son? He wanted to take numbers. My daughter? She tackled things from her end so I feel kind of sorry for anyone she’s been in touch with. 😉

The worst part about all this is that it has affected my smoochie time with Honey. Which in turn has affected my creative energy – which has left you guys SOL for some Honey goldisms on the post page. Hopefully, once we turn this ship around, there will be huge nuggets to post about. 😀

With that in mind, I have two big requests.

If you know anyone who is feeling out of sorts. Maybe a little flu-like or can’t put a finger on it. If they have ear ringing, lightheadedness on occasion, a burning mouth or throat or if they find there are a lot of words hanging on the tip of their tongue but they can’t get them out – tell them about arsenic and have them get checked. It’s more prevalent than you think. Trust me.

And the last thing I would ask is, if you are into praying, please put in a good word for Honey and I. His tests haven’t come back yet, but the poor guy is so worried about me. I feel bad for him. 🙁 And, hey, if you’re not into praying – it’s all good. A positive thought or some high energy waves thrown our way would be awesome too!

Personally, I’ve covered the ball of wax! The only thing I haven’t done is an Indian rain dance because…well, quite frankly we have enough effing rain these days.

Hm. Maybe I should do a Riley sun dance.

*Stares right at you* That sounds just about as horrific as the visual was that came to me the second I typed it.

EEK!

No worries. I shan’t scare you off. There will be no dancing. *Insert me speaking like Moses in the Ten Commandments here* “So it be written, so it be done.”

Alrighty. *Rubs hands together and looks around* What else is left to say? Oh, I know. I I still haven’t decided what to add to our give away for our last item. Here’s a look at the stuff we already have so far. It’s pretty good stuff – so I have to find something that ties in with Caleb and Genevieve’s story to add to the pile. I’ll let you know what I come up with when I come up with it. Probably Friday – that’s when we’re doing the draw. Yay!

As always, thanks for stopping by.

Riley

Arsenic and Oh, What A Case!

 

First things first. I’ll get the bad…or, in my case, sad over with before we get to the happy. A Honey story. Yay!

For those of you who’ve been following my blog for a while you know I’m fairly consistent when it comes to publishing books and doing posts, right? So you were probably wondering why I’ve been a little lax with both those endeavors over the past several months.

The short answer?

Arsenic poisoning.

*Looks right at you* It’s no joke. Here I am wondering why I was feeling so unlike myself and boom! One hair test later I find out I have a rather large problem. I nearly flipped when I got my very expensive and independent panel done. I was convinced that everything would check out. It’s no wonder when the lab called right away to tell me (that’s law by the way) I nearly passed out.

Honey, of course is freaking out. I haven’t seen the poor guy this distraught since I went into labor with our son. 😀

After I get all this figured out I will post the findings because I wouldn’t want anyone to through what I’ve been through over the last several months. *Raises a brow at you* But don’t worry. I have everything documented, just in case I need to write a big book about it someday. *Twirls that big mustache up there and releases a dirty laugh*

Here’s the family’s reaction:

Honey? He swore and then paced around like a caged lion. He went from being mad, upset, worried, to being mad all over again. We tested the water, and have done more research on the topic than you can imagine. So his answer? He’s going to brood about it until we have an answer.

My son? He simply said pack your bags you’re coming to live with us. <- Haha! I bet my daughter in-law would love that. Not! And I didn’t want to burst his bubble or anything, but nothing in our house has changed in 17 years – nothing major at any rate – so it’s not that. Meh, I’ll let him figure that out on his own.

My daughter? After she gave me a thousand different instructions…did I mention she’s a chip off the old Riley block? She’s been on a campaign to cheer me up. I don’t really know why or when she decided I needed cheering – because I don’t need any. Seriously, I’m still delightful. 😉 Anyways, it was one of her many attempts at making happy times for us that has prompted me to share this Honey conversation. This was last night.

Honey and I are watching a show and my cell sounds with a text.

Would you and dad like to go on a date night with us and do this?

I look at the image and it’s a mason jar filled with some amber colored liquid. Of course I take the time to read the info about it being a craft project of making one’s own body scrub, before I hold the phone out for Honey and say, “Girlie-girl wants us to double date. We’d be doing this.”

Honey’s eyes narrowed as he stared at my cell. Then his look narrowed even more when he said, “No thank you.”

My cell went off again and I knew who it was. Did I mention that my girl has the patience of a starving four-year-old in a candy store filled with everything she loves? No? True story.

Tell dad to stop frowning. If he does this with us, we’ll do this with him next time.

I look at the image attached and silently laughed my butt off. My girl knows her dad. It was a picture of a helicopter taking off for a joy ride. What a great bribe! I made sure to enlarge the image before I showed it to him.

“Alrighty. She says if you do the first one with us we’ll do this one with you next time.”

He leers at it, but even though he made like he wasn’t, I could tell he was interested. Before I could comment though, my phone sounded again.

Or, we could do this?

It was an image of some Kung-fu guys doing their thing. So I showed it to him, saying, “Third option.”

He made a face and then said, “Okay, I’ll agree to the first option, but I’m not drinking that slop.”

*Looks right at you* Swill back body scrub? DEE-LISH! NOT! Me thinks someone didn’t bother reading the info beneath the mason jar.

I laughed. “You don’t drink it. It’s a homemade body scrub.”

He gives me the side-eye and says, “You want me to scrub this temple with that slop?” He waved his hand down the length of his torso, and to say that I was gob smacked would have been an understatement.

What did I do?

I immediately texted my daughter to convey his snob-like conceit. Because, you know, it was funny. My daughter typed back, Haha, but her significant other laughed his butt off and texted:

Haha, Yeah, tell him it cleans from the inside out!

Aww, poor Honey. He really looks wiped. He’s so worried about this other situation, I guess mostly because we don’t know where it’s coming from – that he’s ready to set up cameras and hire a security detail.

I was like, “Hm, let’s not. I highly doubt the environment needs to be watched. Maybe I should just start wearing shoes when I hang out in the lanai.”

Nah…that would be too easy. 😉

So, I think we should call this the last post before Permit Me releases! How about we do our giveaway this coming Friday? Post comments and I’ll tally. We’ll have a winner announced then! Can’t wait!!!

Oh, and I might add something mid-week so make sure you check back if you’re not a subscriber – although I don’t know why you wouldn’t be because you get an extra change to win the epic giveaways!

As always thanks for stopping by!

Riley…who’s looking for some old lace to go with my current problem. 0.0

Crap, I forgot to tell you what my mom said when I gave her the news. She waved me off and did the big tsk, tsk, tsk before she said, “You’ve been eating too many apple seeds.”

Me? Oh, hell yes, I was blinking. Blinking so fast I nearly passed out. Who eats apple

seeds? Not this girl. Hence the big mystery. 

Cheers! to me finding the cause.

 

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

 

Okay, so Honey and I were having one of our infamous chats about the universe and something interesting came up. Actually, *Looks right at you* several interesting things came to my attention, but I am going to focus in on just one.

An EMP attack of global proportions.

I know, deep, right?

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, it’s an Electromagnetic pulse attack that would basically wipe out our infrastructure. No electronics, no sewer, no electric, no water…yeah, no nuthin’ we’d be living like the cavemen in no time. *sigh* I hate to ponder about these things, but sometimes you have to.

*Thinks for a second* Then? *Points at you*

This doesn’t mean you can’t make the solution be one that is fun and uplifting to think about.

Honey calls this “my making Lemon meringue pie out of a watermelon moment”, but whatever.

So here’s the conversation:

I say, “You know I was thinking about imminent global threats today and this one came to me.”

“Oh boy.” He sat down and lifted a brow at me. “Am I going to need a drink, or will this just have me buying more life insurance?”

Haha! The latter was always a good idea. “No seriously. I was thinking about an EMP attack and it made very, very sad.”

Now both his brows went up. “I’d be devastated. No electronics? I’m the one who watches TV.”

Yeah, yeah, that was true, but for this conversation, I didn’t want to focus in on the fallout details. Hollywood and every Debbie downer on the planet had those things covered. I wanted to envision an upside to the end game of this kind of attack – any kind of attack actually. So I said this to him and funny enough – he was interested.

“An upside to societal breakdown? I gotta hear this and don’t tell me Batman arrives to save the day or that aliens land and stop the war.” He shook his head. “And don’t frown. I know you too well so I know how your writer’s mind works.”

*Raises my hand to you and acknowledges, guilty! I’m always inventing possible plot scenarios that cover just about any outlandish or fanciful thing* NOT that I was going to admit this to him. 😉 “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Pay attention. Imagine if you will—”

“Here we go,” he interrupted. *Le sigh* He’s such a guy.

“As I was saying. You know that stuff about Free Will I’ve been talking about? Well, suppose that’s the cosmic key to the universe? That earth is a Free Will zone and every life on earth only needs to claim it. I mean we give our will up to the government, banks, doctors, attorneys, lawyers, judges, police, military and don’t get me started on the IRS—”

“No fear of that. I want dinner tonight and we know what happens to those plans when you start talking about their 20 million dollar Star Wars extravaganza.”

“Great! Thanks for reminding me about that. It ties in with what I would do if an EMP attacked happened or was going to happen.”

He sat forward and tilted his head. “Happened? Are you going to shoot that BS about multi-dimensional universes and time travel and pirates and outer worldly vultures who you think have preyed on mankind long enough?”

“Abso-freaking-lutely!”

“I should have poured myself a drink.”

I waved him off and then launched into my brilliant and yet simple plan for the world. “Imagine this.” I have to become animated here or he stares at me like he’s watching paint peel. “There’s those in power who know how the game works – they’ve reached the end of the deck, they’ve played the Trump card and they still don’t like where this is going so they decide to do the EMP attack on America because it’s the world economy really—”

“No, it’s not.”

You see what he does? He cuts into my roll.

I scowl at him. “It’s the biggest consumer economy. Is that better?”

“I’m listening.”

“Well, being that it’s a game, and all have to participate to make it work, the power brokers have decided to jump start things with this kind of attack because their default position is always to create fear. BUT and this is a big but, there are too many people who are onto them. Ten years ago they may have pulled it off easily, but not so well now. Why? Because the swell of THE PEOPLE who are onto them decide to hold them financially responsible for what they’ve done to not only our country – but the entire world. We put our foot down and say that’s enough you have to pay up. We put such an astronomical number on the fine that they will all be broke for the rest of eternity.”

“That sounds pretty predictable to me. Wouldn’t they ignore you?”

“Us you mean. It’s a big collective and no. You see when you claim your FREE WILL they have no power over you in your past lives or future lives. You are no longer an earning product for them so they are without a means to make and attract tradable things of value for the rest of time. But you didn’t let me finish. What if we as a collective say to all those that disrupt and corrupt our planet that they can keep what they so far have collected – providing they didn’t steal or misappropriate those things of value – only if they leave this planet for good without any war, EMP attacks or nuclear attacks. Then THE PEOPLE would be free to live the way they were meant to live on this planet.”

He was silent for a second or two and then he whispered, “I don’t know how you do it.”

There’s me basking in the compliment thinking that I’d just come up with a plausible way to save the planet from the negative energy that is dragging our society down when he added.

“How do you sleep at night with all that crap rolling around in your head?”

Crap?

Rolling?

Nothing rolls around in my head, there’s no room. Every square inch is taken up by random and not so random thoughts – I assure you. To him, I said, “It’s easy. I figure somewhere out there in this sky or the galaxy above, the Creator of Souls is listening to me. And, being that he’s the gifter of FREE WILL he will see the sense in this plan. The only fly in the proverbial “Save the Universe” oil?”

“What?”

“Is that stubborn people like you will look at me like you are now when I tell them.”

That’s when he smiled. A big, bright, smile that reached his eyes. “If I thought something like this was possible, you know I’d be all over it.”

“Sometimes you have to rely on faith alone.”

“I prefer reality.”

And I would have preferred to toss one of the envelopes on the table at him, but, *insert a deep breath here* I smiled back at him instead. Talking through my teeth I told him, “I choose to believe. This is why you and I make such a great pair. The more you deny the possibility of such a thing happening, the more I believe it will happen.”

His eyes widened and he smacked the table. “Unreal. You take the possibility of averting a dramatic fictional cosmic catastrophe and turn it into a husband smack down in the turn of one sentence.”

“Thank you. I’ll take that as a compliment because doing so requires finesse and talent, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” His smile eased and he sat back. “What would happen if I had taken what you said and embraced it as being possible from the get-go?”

I took a millisecond to think that over and then I didn’t even blink. “I’d suggest you head over to the doctor’s for a check-up. Clearly you’d be sick. I thought we’d already decided decades ago that I was here to save your soul? If you agreed at face value I would consider my job here done.”

“Meaning?”

“I’m glad you’re not the average Joe. I want more people like me to see that this world has some phenomenal secrets. There’s a special kind of magic and right now most of it is being corrupted by people who don’t have the heart or soul to wield it with grace and goodness.”

“Now.” He pointed at me as he nodded. “That I believe.”

You see? Honey does come around. It just takes a special way to deliver the message to him.

*Thinks about that for less than a millisecond when the epiphany comes to me*

Damn, he would have listened to me proclaiming to be the Virgin Mary if I delivered the message sans clothes. *Insert the action of a finger snap here* I wish I had thought of that tactic sooner. It would have saved me some grief. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell him this without stressing him out too much. 😀

So…Anyone else have any great ideas on how to save the planet? The caveat has to be that we get rid of the bad guys who have screwed things up to a fair thee well AND whatever attack they were planning in the first place has to be adverted.

Heheheh. Here’s me with my author mind thinking, if we missed averting the catastrophe we could always bend time and put us back to the moment it happened and stop it from happening. I didn’t mention this to Honey because he has enough to worry about. Did I mention that I’ve got the poor guy fixing the electric/cable stuff in our house? Doesn’t sound so bad, but you have to remember our stuff is in the attic and it’s a cabillion degrees here. I sent him up there a few days ago and forgot to stick around the ladder to make sure he didn’t expire up there.

My bad!

Actually, I felt terrible when he came into the nice cool kitchen looking like he’d just gone for a swim. Poor guy.

As always, thanks for stopping by! And don’t forget to give me a great solution to our save the world challenge – Remember, the key is FREE WILL – Start there and then the person who comes up with the funniest or most creative method to banish the negative and criminal energy from the planet will get their name added three additional times to the big drawing we still haven’t done.

Geez…Caleb and Genevieve are a year older. Boy, do I need to get their story finished!!!!

Riley

You Gave Me A Rating Of One Star? WTF?!!!!

IMG_1650_2

 

Never mind that I worked hard.

I tried my best.

I sweated.

Toiled.

Cursed occasionally.

But?

I hung in there and that should have counted, right?

RIGHT?

*Insert me putting my hands in the air in defeat here* Because all that stuff I previously mentioned isn’t right. At least not according to Honey. You see, he didn’t care whether I stood out in a hundred and fifty degree heat holding his stupid wood. *Wags a finger at you* Not the good wood either. I know what you’re thinking. But alas, this was actual wood that he measured and cut on the back deck with his huge table saw for the valance box I designed for our bedroom.

My job was simple. Hold the panel stable and when I finished doing that, and after I was salt and peppered with sawdust, he laughed his ass off. Then my job was to keep the valance box steady while he screwed it up over our bedroom slider. *Looks right at you* He took his time, guys. Which, you know, wouldn’t have been so bad if I was six feet tall. Hell, if I was five and a half feet tall I wouldn’t have had to stand on my tip-toes. But there I was. Teetering. And what did he do when I complained? He took his sweet time getting to putting those screws in.

Seriously.

Here’s the conversation.

Me being not patient at all. “Could you hurry up with the screws? My arms are aching.”

Him being very patient. “I’m going as fast as I can. At least you’re not frying out in that hundred and fifty degree heat for five whole minutes.”

Side-eyes you. Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have complained about that inconvenience so loudly. It wasn’t exactly a hundred and fifty degrees and my five minutes was nothing to his most of the day. But still, I felt I needed to warn him.

“I’m going to drop it.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I am.”

“No.”

Did I mention the guy can aggravate the frigging crap out of me in a millisecond when he wants to? Today he definitely wanted to. So I decide to change the course of the argument. Clearly, I wasn’t going to win this one.

It was time to put him on the defensive. “What did you do to my navy blue towels?”

Finally, he used his screw gun and zipped in a screw. Bingo. He didn’t want to talk about the wrecked terry…but I did.

“You know, a strange thing happened. After my shower yesterday when I got out and wrapped one of those blue towels around me, I nearly cut myself.”

He screwed in the second screw so that the one side was secured and then came and took the valance box weight from me. *Hikes a brow at you* Hm. Oddly enough, he still hadn’t answered my question.

I didn’t move. “Aren’t you going to tell me what you did to them?”

He looked down and it was almost comical. I was standing right at his underarm while he was looking guilty as sin. “I don’t have any idea.” No wonder he was looking guilty. He was lying through his teeth, so I decided to help him out.

“No idea, huh? Let me put it to you this way. When I exfoliate I like to do that under the shower spray. Not when I get out of the shower and I’m drying myself off with one of my good towels. What did you get all over them? Concrete?”

*Points right at you* I’m not exaggerating here when I say my soft beach size towels had hardened  balls and smears of stone-type crap all over them.

The bugger grinned and I really got mad because the action made me not want to be mad at him at all. But then he said, “Not concrete. Drywall compound.”

*Tilts head at you* Like there’s a difference?

“Do you know how much those towels cost?”

“No, Riley, I do not.” He turned his attention to getting the last two screws fastened and I heard him mumble, “But you’re probably going to tell me.”

Oh hell, yeah I was. “Twenty-eight dollars each.” I pulled that sum right out of thin air purposely making it an odd amount, in the hopes that hitting him in the wallet would cause him to think twice about grabbing any kind of a towel out of the folded laundry and taking it to work with him to be ruined anytime the mood struck him.

He grunted, so I had to add.

“And that was when they were on sale. They aren’t any more so you’ll be paying full price for them when you replace them. Hey.” I stepped back and took a gander. “The valance box looks great! 5 stars.”

“Thanks. And you get a one.”

I shot a look at him. “Star?”

He nodded. “You started at five today but I subtracted one every time you complained. Therefore it’s one star for you today, babe.”

I was just about to open my mouth and tell him what I thought about that, but he annoyingly held up his drill in front of his mouth as if the drill bit was his index finger in the age old signal for me to be quiet.

I blinked and then scowled, when he said, “You have one star left. I wouldn’t want you to lose it.”

*Turns to look at you* Can you believe this guy?

*Shakes head*

Tomorrow we start building the closet. Can’t. Wait.

I will leave you with this. Yesterday Honey and I had a discussion about a towel hook for our master bath. I know, it’s just a hook, but it’s really not. It will have a prominent placement in the space and I was trying to be nice when I included Honey in the choice. Normally I just purchase the items and then say, “Hang this there, please.”

Well? I should have known better. He looked at all my choices (there were some really great ones. A huge cast iron whale tail? Come on, how cute is that?) and he turned his nose up at all of them. Then he points to one on the screen and asks, “How about that one?”

The one in question was a frigging plain old hook. You could even see where the screws were that held it together and where they would go on the wall once it was up. If that wasn’t bad enough it was two dollars and the caption actually read “Hook for garage storage.”

When I innocently pointed out that all his taste was in his mouth and he made some really, really, rude suggestion about what I could do with my mouth, LMAO over that one, I told him to quit with the dirty talking and to be serious. We needed to find something that was unique and functional. To which he said, “I’m not the designer. Knock yourself out. Buy whatever you want, and I’ll hang it.”

So what did I do? Why I simply decided to take him at his word. I can’t wait until he gets a load of this.

Resin-Middle-Finger-Wall-Hook-d2cce210-3913-4548-8f40-1874876360e9_600

Bahahahaha! I bought it and this is going to be our new towel/robe hook in our nicely remodeled bathroom. Do you like it?

I am so bad! But hey, I think this one will make a statement and look good. And if it’s nice quality this hook may find its way into one of my giveaways!!! I’ll be posting about the next one soon. 🙂

As always, thanks for stopping by!

Riley

Good Morning Dr. Freud, you caged what now?

domestic dispute

Holy Mackerel! I have no idea how this happened…or even why, but I’m scared. *Tilts head to the side and thinks not at all for a second* Nah, I’m no chicken-licken. I’m more amused than anything else. Check this out.

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been on a fast-track. Between Honey, the remodel, and some past clients I adore holding me hostage until I finally agreed to work with them, I’ve been busy. Very busy. So it’s no wonder I’ve been dreaming a lot. *Shrug* Hey, when I can’t put the words down on paper they get acted out in my dreams I suppose.

What does this mean? Well, I’ll tell you. I usually wind up explaining the dream to Honey when we have our morning coffee. And then the fun begins. I hear things like:

“That dream could not be any clearer to me. You’re a control freak so…”

Right. Forgot about that. Not! Next day?

“You dreamt of that because your mother is having a hard time…”

Okay, he had a point there. Maybe I should listen to him. Next day when I tell him about my dream from the night before?

“Simple. You’re in tough negotiations and you like to win…”

That’s it. The man is an oracle who I need to definitely listen to. Next day when I shared my slumber images what did he expound upon?

“We watched that part in the dirty movie…” <- I have no idea where that came from. I’d been telling him about the dream I had where I was fighting with someone in a grocery store.

“Excuse me?”

“The woman with the whipped cream all over…”

*Looks right at you and scowls before I snap back to glare at him* “I didn’t see a show like that recently.”

“Oh, my bad.” <- Notice he didn’t admit that he had because clearly, he had! He looks at me as if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, and asks, “Where was I?”

I deadpanned. “One foot on a banana peel and the other foot squarely planted in marital discord. How come I didn’t get to watch the whip cream movie?”

I was kidding, but he wasn’t when he suggested he stop at the grocery store after work and pick up some Rediwhip so he could help me reenact the burned-in-his-memory scene.

*Le sigh* A few days later I stupidly shared another dream I had. It was like he’d been waiting for me to spill so he could analyze it.

“You’re like the energizer bunny when you want something.” In the dream I’d been planting a tree. So I was just about to ask how that related when he gave me the smexxy look, and said, “I happen to like a little rabbit. One that vibrates. You?” I might have thought he was talking about the animal if he didn’t pair that question with popping his brows up and down so many times I thought he was having a seizure. *Shakes head* Men!

After I tackle him on this. He isn’t fazed.

“Don’t you see, babe? You’re direct and get right to the point. More importantly, you don’t mind getting down and dirty.” *Looks right at you* Why, you may ask? Because his eyes had gone dark and they were sparkling when he’d said this. Annnd, we all know what that means.

Again. Men! “It’s all about sex with you isn’t?”

“No. No,” he said more firmly and even shook his head. “What I’m trying to tell you is that you’re very strong.” I made the mistake of feeling a little a better about all this until he added, “So strong, in fact, I’m confident you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose in less than twenty seconds.” *Spits out coffee all over the table and then beats chest as I turn to look at you* The man is ridiculous, isn’t he? All I’d said this time was that I had a dream about sharks. *insert the mighty snow globe here* (I’d like to, but it has been stolen – boo-hiss to the thief. He’s having a bad day today I can feel it as I wave my bad juju wand in his direction).

Honey never missed a beat. He continued to analyze my dream using metaphors so freaking outrageous I had to laugh. So, um, yeah, I was inspired to call him Sigmund.

Which brings me to this morning’s conversation. Not about dreams because I’d given up sharing those with him. Can you blame me? What we were discussing was the cage that Honey had put out in the lanai to trap the rabbit that was sneaking into our screened in patio area and littering it with his little marble…well, it wasn’t chocolate kisses he was leaving for us, I’ll tell you that. Honey figured if he trapped the bunny in the cage and then released it in the morning on the other side of the fence surrounding our property, the little guy wouldn’t come into the lanai area ever again.Of course he didn’t know that I’ve been throwing baby carrots – Hansel and Gretel style – away from the screen enclosure hoping to redirect Peter from hopping his little tail into the lanai, and we’re not going to tell him, right? Honey doesn’t like the critters being fed too close to the house. Remember when he had to save Steven King from the hawk? That was surprising, wasn’t it?

Sound plan.

Of course, he didn’t know that I’ve been throwing baby carrots – Hansel and Gretel style – away from the screen enclosure hoping to redirect Peter from hopping his little tail into the lanai, and we’re not going to tell him, right? Honey doesn’t like the critters being fed too close to the house. Remember when he had to save Steven King from the hawk? That was surprising, wasn’t it?

Anyways, it did strike me as funny when Honey asked, “Did you have another dream about controlling the world last night? Something I can interpret for you that will put your mind at ease?”

And I replied, “Sorry Sigmund. How about you? Did you manage to bag our little gift-giver in the cage last night?”

I mean, what kind of people talk like this? *Stares at you with owl eyes* Gah! Apparently we do! Man, Honey and I could be arrested if anyone was listening in. LOL! Wouldn’t you love to be on a fly on the Homeland Security wall as Honey had to explain why his megalomaniac wife was calling him by an alias and asking him about bagging someone in a cage? I know I would. 🙂

Hope everyone had a great week! Enjoy your weekend!

And as always. Thanks for stopping by!

Riley