Tell Me Some Lies…& More of Our Build-a-Giveaway!

 

I had to post this one since I was laughing my butt off over it.

There I am driving home from the store, mulling over what to blog about and I think: SEX.

Oh, don’t look at me like. It’s fun to write about, at least for me. 😀 But I digress, because my second thought was, you’re always writing about sex on account of your books.

*Insert me tapping my front tooth here as I ponder*

What to write about…?

And that’s when I had one of those crazy-eight kind of thought streams. I started thinking about the heroine in my story, Permit Me. About how she was always trying to do the right thing and after about twenty random other thoughts this came to me.

Always tell the truth.

And there I was sitting at the red light waiting for the green, thinking. I always tell the truth. I’m a good person. I—

Yes, my thoughts did a double-take. Haha! They went back to “I always tell the truth.”

There’s me thinking. OMG, if I always told the truth – if we always told the truth, what would happen?

*Looks right at you*

We’d wind up killing each other.

*Leans in to whisper for clarity*

That would be figuratively, not literally.

And, of course, I’m talking exclusively about Honey and me. But walk with me a second and let me explain about the levels of truth.

Level one is the smile you maintain while you tell your host that dinner was wonderful even though you stuffed half of your meal in your pocket because you couldn’t stomach a bite of it – but you didn’t want to hurt his/her feelings.

Level two lie, I’ll call the look away. It’s the one where you pin the ding on the new car on a runaway grocery cart, instead of on the pillar you hit when you opened the door because you couldn’t reach the container when you were at the drive-thru bank that day.

Level three? Let’s call this the red zone. It encompasses everything from coveting thy neighbor’s wife and way beyond.

Don’t know about you, but I always assume the best of people. Seriously, I’m always shocked when I find out negative things about people I know because it never occurs to me, you know?

Anyways, the point is, level one is lying to protect someone’s feelings. You don’t want the host to know you detested what they made, right? Level two is lying to protect your feelings. You already feel bad about hitting the pillar and making the mark on your new shiny baby, so no need to feel worse by telling your significant other who – will no doubt, harp about it, right?

And then there’s level three.

That’s the level I’m always referring to when I say I tell the truth.

So there’s me, driving down the street heading home, and laughing. Why? Because I started running those first two level scenarios over in my head. If we all told the truth in those moments, this is what it would look like.

Scenario One

The wife. “Honey, do you like my new top?”

The husband. “No, it makes you like old and fat.”

The wife. “Yeah, well you’re no spring chicken, and speaking of chicken, I’m not making dinner tonight.”

The husband. “Why? Because I told you the truth?”

The wife. “Yes, you idiot. The least you could have done is lie. But back to why I’m not making dinner for you. Do you want to know?

She glares at him as he nods and then she says, “Because I’m fat and old! We’ll be eating a lot of salads from now on and going to bed early – being the ancient person I am. Deal with it.”

 

Scenario Two

The husband. “Babe, did you see there’s a big ding in the driver side door of the car.”

The wife. “Oh yes.”

The husband. “Do you know how it got there?”

The wife. “I do.”

The husband. “Do you mind telling me?”

The wife. “I bashed the door against one of those cement pillars at the bank.”

The husband. “How many times have I told you to watch those?”

The wife. “At least twenty times.”

The husband. “Is that all you have to say?”

The wife nods.

The husband. “That’s a bad ding.”

The husband. “It’s going to cost a fortune to get it fixed.”

The husband. “It won’t be worth going through insurance with the deductible and all.”

The husband. “Didn’t I tell you to use the outside lane? It doesn’t have a pillar.”

The husband. “I wonder if I can touch it up myself.”

The husband. “When did you do it?”

The husband. “Never mind. I’m already depressed. You weren’t hiding this from me, were you?”

The husband. “Didn’t you say that your new friend’s husband is a mechanic. Maybe we can get a discount.”

The husband stops at the front door before he goes to recheck the damage. “You didn’t answer. When did this happen?”

The husband turns and is shocked to see his wife isn’t in the room.

Now why did she leave the room?

She told a level two truth and that’s *points at the above text* is the thanks she gets for it! Talk about depressed!

 

Scenario Three

 

For this one, we need some props. Like…a spiky strident, an equally spiky tail, and a devil to go along with the ensemble. We also need a handsome older man with thick, flowing white hair, blue eyes, and a robe that any fashionista would die to own.

I say this, because there’s no husband and wife in this scenario. Why? Level three lies require the deft hand of divinity as it’s a battle for the soul.

I see this playing out like a boxing match. A, he said, she did, type thing with a few “Oh, yeah, wells” thrown in.

*Wags a finger at you* I know what you’re thinking. If it’s really bad stuff that’s been done at the level three all the souls are going to hell, right?

Wrong.

You can’t just say, “Hey, you there with the green jacket on, step away from the pearly gates. You committed murder, so you are going to ashes and cinders territory.”

Did I mention that the man in the green jacket was military?

Or, maybe, it was worn by a man who lost control of his vehicle when he had a survivable heart attack and ran someone over.

Or, maybe, it belonged to a woman who administered the wrong dosage of medicine to a patient on her nightly rounds.

You see? What the ancient law defines as “murder” comes in many different forms, so, the way I see it? Divine intervention is a must in these kinds of cases. And, in these kinds of cases there’s bound to be surprises. Especially if I’m writing it.

What if, the military man saved more lives than he took? Wouldn’t God call dibs on his soul?

What about the man in the car who had a true and uncontrollable accident. God might be ready to duke it out with Satan over him, but then it comes to light that the driver kicked his dog, beat his wife regularly, and cheated every chance he got when he gambled.

Hm…I’d be thinking Satan would be rubbing his hands together, no?

And what about the woman?

*Hikes a brow at you* My bet is, her own guilt would cement her path to cinders and ashes territory before God and Satan even got a chance to get in the ring over her.

A shame, really, because out of the three scenarios hers was the most heart breaking because she’d dedicated her life to saving and helping lives, and with the event of one mistake, all that joy was taken away from her.

So, what do you think God would say about this? Or Satan for that matter?

Heheheh. I bet you guys are wishing right about now that I’d taken a short cut home. This seems to be taking forever, no? 😉

I’ll tell you what I think. I think they’d both want her. One would lay claim because she’s given more than she’s taken in life, and the other would lay claim to her, because she broke the rules, and he’d have a chance to steal an angel without breaking the law the way it’s written.

It was at this point that I realized it all comes down to guilt and association. The two men who went before the woman let their fates be decided by higher powers, while a woman?

Yeah, she can’t seem to keep her trap shut long enough to be let off the hook.

That’s why we need level one and two on the scale of lies. Without them, there wouldn’t be any women in heaven.

Wow. When you look it like that – heaven is hell and hell is heaven because all the bad doers don’t feel any guilt and waltz through the gates.

Seriously, think about it. I watched a movie a while back. And in it the bad king had to sacrifice those he loved to get power. There I was watching his beautiful wife being thrown into the pool of water and this snake-type person surface to take her down. Then later, his beautiful and virtuous daughter gets thrown into the pool and is taken down.

It didn’t take me a minute to realize that the underworld is filled with some beautiful people, you know what I mean? Think about it.

I told Honey my thought while we were watching that flick, and after he stared at me for a full thirty seconds he said, “You’re determined to wreck every movie I watch, aren’t you?”

I didn’t blink, when I replied, “Absolutely not.”

You see? That right there was a level two, because I am SO going to bust his balls when he makes me watch movies only he enjoys. >:)

Do you agree with my lie-o-meter? Disagree? Or are you going to pull a level one in comments and not hurt my feelings?

Hey, now…I’m made of tougher stuff. You can tell me. 😊

Okay. Now, onto our giveaway.

We already have an Amazon gift card, so why don’t we do some chocolate covered strawberries delivered to your home (if you live in the US) – if not, and you win, I will purchase a gift card in the amount of the prize that will be included with the other stuff we’re going to be adding in the coming weeks.

Here’s what they will look like.

How’s everyone doing? Good, I hope! You guys know the drill. If you are a subscriber you’re already entered for one chance to win. With each new comment you post on the posts during the giveaway weeks your name will be added again for every comment for more chances to win.

Yay! I love reading comments.

And, as always, thanks for stopping by.

Riley

 

 

 

 

So You Think A Little Poisoning Is Going To Stop Me?

 

That would be a big NOPE!

I actually wrote this post yesterday, but it disappeared, so imma going to rewrite it.

*Le sigh*

It probably won’t be as funny. Dammit!

I was telling you guys about my mom, Honey, me & the game show Jeopardy. We love watching the show with her because she thinks we’re great at it.

Which we’re not.

She does a big thumbs up or gushes over how smart we are when we get an answer.

Don’t ask.

The question, “Who’s buried in Grant’s tomb?”

I say Lou, and she says, “That’s great. Close, but it was Ulysses S.” 😉

Which is funny, you know? Because she’s serious and meh, now that I think about maybe I was too.

But the other night the question was about something like, What did so-and-so ride? Don’t quote me – but it was something like that. And I said something fabulous and innovative like “A horse.”

Mom clapped and gave me the nod. You see? She’s great for the ego, isn’t she?

Anyways, Honey said, “A beaver.”

And there’s me thinking he was whispering low because he was unsure of the answer…or? Hm. Given a moment to think about the answer I was like *Insert me tapping my index fingernail on my front tooth here*

I stopped tapping and turned to him. “A beaver?”

He gave me a look with eyes sparkling and said, “Yeah. Beaver.”

I was just about to shake my head when he added, “A man can ride that over and over again.”

Bah! I Laughed MAO!

Man, I’m sure the conversation was funnier two days ago when the details were fresh, but it still puts a smile on my face.

It even allowed us to segue into another fascinating conversation this morning. About what, you may ask? Another Jeopardy question. You see, last night I missed the final one so Honey put it out there.

The question was, “What structure did a creature build on earth that can be seen from space?”

There’s me without blinking once even, “A beaver dam! A damn beaver built a dam!”

He says, no and then I say, “The great wall of China.”

To which he gets this very superior look on his face and says, “It’s amazing. That’s what all three contestants said and they got it wrong. How arrogant is man that he always assumes man built the object – because in this case he didn’t.”

And there’s me blinking up a storm now thinking, hang on a minute. I said beaver. Beaver I said first. <- Catch my little Yoda ism there? Heheheh! When I point out to him that I gave beaver as my first answer he practically brushed me off and then he ended with something like, “You’re not the average person.”

Hmm…

His comment should have made me happy, but I somehow don’t think it was a compliment. 😉 *Thinks for a second and then brightens up* Of course it was a compliment. I’m delightful. 😉

Speaking of delightful. Guess what I had done? The city water guys where I live came and took water samples for bacteria in our drinking water (we have city water in the house). I’m interested to see what they find since they assured me that there was no arsenic in their water. That arsenic wasn’t a problem. That they tested for it quarterly. That they’d just recently tested for it. In fact, the test results were so good – that they were going to send them to me yesterday. *Shrugs* but they never did. So what did Riley do? She hopped on their website to have a look for those test results and what did she find?

A bid for arsenic to be removed from one of their water plant stations.

*Stares right at you and says in the same voice Gary would say this in, “Whatcha talking about Willis?*

Seriously?

It’s very rarely that I am shocked, but I was to see this buried on their site. So why don’t you all drum your fingers with me while I wait to see how long they get back to me about this and I can safeguard my family. Hopefully, when they confirm they will take the time to tell my neighbors. I’m hoping that this isolated since my home was on a dead end circuit that was recently corrected. I’d hate to think anyone else has gone through what I have.

I go to see a different doctor tomorrow and I’ve taken more vitamins (had a panel done and was really low on all kinds of things – crazy, never been that way before) but alas, I digress. The point I am trying to make here is this. Arsenic can kiss my *ss! I’m over it and the people who weren’t honest enough to tell me the truth when I poured my heart out to them after I called them about it.

Do ya think that Honey is over this? Yeah, don’t ask. My son? He wanted to take numbers. My daughter? She tackled things from her end so I feel kind of sorry for anyone she’s been in touch with. 😉

The worst part about all this is that it has affected my smoochie time with Honey. Which in turn has affected my creative energy – which has left you guys SOL for some Honey goldisms on the post page. Hopefully, once we turn this ship around, there will be huge nuggets to post about. 😀

With that in mind, I have two big requests.

If you know anyone who is feeling out of sorts. Maybe a little flu-like or can’t put a finger on it. If they have ear ringing, lightheadedness on occasion, a burning mouth or throat or if they find there are a lot of words hanging on the tip of their tongue but they can’t get them out – tell them about arsenic and have them get checked. It’s more prevalent than you think. Trust me.

And the last thing I would ask is, if you are into praying, please put in a good word for Honey and I. His tests haven’t come back yet, but the poor guy is so worried about me. I feel bad for him. 🙁 And, hey, if you’re not into praying – it’s all good. A positive thought or some high energy waves thrown our way would be awesome too!

Personally, I’ve covered the ball of wax! The only thing I haven’t done is an Indian rain dance because…well, quite frankly we have enough effing rain these days.

Hm. Maybe I should do a Riley sun dance.

*Stares right at you* That sounds just about as horrific as the visual was that came to me the second I typed it.

EEK!

No worries. I shan’t scare you off. There will be no dancing. *Insert me speaking like Moses in the Ten Commandments here* “So it be written, so it be done.”

Alrighty. *Rubs hands together and looks around* What else is left to say? Oh, I know. I I still haven’t decided what to add to our give away for our last item. Here’s a look at the stuff we already have so far. It’s pretty good stuff – so I have to find something that ties in with Caleb and Genevieve’s story to add to the pile. I’ll let you know what I come up with when I come up with it. Probably Friday – that’s when we’re doing the draw. Yay!

As always, thanks for stopping by.

Riley

Arsenic and Oh, What A Case!

 

First things first. I’ll get the bad…or, in my case, sad over with before we get to the happy. A Honey story. Yay!

For those of you who’ve been following my blog for a while you know I’m fairly consistent when it comes to publishing books and doing posts, right? So you were probably wondering why I’ve been a little lax with both those endeavors over the past several months.

The short answer?

Arsenic poisoning.

*Looks right at you* It’s no joke. Here I am wondering why I was feeling so unlike myself and boom! One hair test later I find out I have a rather large problem. I nearly flipped when I got my very expensive and independent panel done. I was convinced that everything would check out. It’s no wonder when the lab called right away to tell me (that’s law by the way) I nearly passed out.

Honey, of course is freaking out. I haven’t seen the poor guy this distraught since I went into labor with our son. 😀

After I get all this figured out I will post the findings because I wouldn’t want anyone to through what I’ve been through over the last several months. *Raises a brow at you* But don’t worry. I have everything documented, just in case I need to write a big book about it someday. *Twirls that big mustache up there and releases a dirty laugh*

Here’s the family’s reaction:

Honey? He swore and then paced around like a caged lion. He went from being mad, upset, worried, to being mad all over again. We tested the water, and have done more research on the topic than you can imagine. So his answer? He’s going to brood about it until we have an answer.

My son? He simply said pack your bags you’re coming to live with us. <- Haha! I bet my daughter in-law would love that. Not! And I didn’t want to burst his bubble or anything, but nothing in our house has changed in 17 years – nothing major at any rate – so it’s not that. Meh, I’ll let him figure that out on his own.

My daughter? After she gave me a thousand different instructions…did I mention she’s a chip off the old Riley block? She’s been on a campaign to cheer me up. I don’t really know why or when she decided I needed cheering – because I don’t need any. Seriously, I’m still delightful. 😉 Anyways, it was one of her many attempts at making happy times for us that has prompted me to share this Honey conversation. This was last night.

Honey and I are watching a show and my cell sounds with a text.

Would you and dad like to go on a date night with us and do this?

I look at the image and it’s a mason jar filled with some amber colored liquid. Of course I take the time to read the info about it being a craft project of making one’s own body scrub, before I hold the phone out for Honey and say, “Girlie-girl wants us to double date. We’d be doing this.”

Honey’s eyes narrowed as he stared at my cell. Then his look narrowed even more when he said, “No thank you.”

My cell went off again and I knew who it was. Did I mention that my girl has the patience of a starving four-year-old in a candy store filled with everything she loves? No? True story.

Tell dad to stop frowning. If he does this with us, we’ll do this with him next time.

I look at the image attached and silently laughed my butt off. My girl knows her dad. It was a picture of a helicopter taking off for a joy ride. What a great bribe! I made sure to enlarge the image before I showed it to him.

“Alrighty. She says if you do the first one with us we’ll do this one with you next time.”

He leers at it, but even though he made like he wasn’t, I could tell he was interested. Before I could comment though, my phone sounded again.

Or, we could do this?

It was an image of some Kung-fu guys doing their thing. So I showed it to him, saying, “Third option.”

He made a face and then said, “Okay, I’ll agree to the first option, but I’m not drinking that slop.”

*Looks right at you* Swill back body scrub? DEE-LISH! NOT! Me thinks someone didn’t bother reading the info beneath the mason jar.

I laughed. “You don’t drink it. It’s a homemade body scrub.”

He gives me the side-eye and says, “You want me to scrub this temple with that slop?” He waved his hand down the length of his torso, and to say that I was gob smacked would have been an understatement.

What did I do?

I immediately texted my daughter to convey his snob-like conceit. Because, you know, it was funny. My daughter typed back, Haha, but her significant other laughed his butt off and texted:

Haha, Yeah, tell him it cleans from the inside out!

Aww, poor Honey. He really looks wiped. He’s so worried about this other situation, I guess mostly because we don’t know where it’s coming from – that he’s ready to set up cameras and hire a security detail.

I was like, “Hm, let’s not. I highly doubt the environment needs to be watched. Maybe I should just start wearing shoes when I hang out in the lanai.”

Nah…that would be too easy. 😉

So, I think we should call this the last post before Permit Me releases! How about we do our giveaway this coming Friday? Post comments and I’ll tally. We’ll have a winner announced then! Can’t wait!!!

Oh, and I might add something mid-week so make sure you check back if you’re not a subscriber – although I don’t know why you wouldn’t be because you get an extra change to win the epic giveaways!

As always thanks for stopping by!

Riley…who’s looking for some old lace to go with my current problem. 0.0

Crap, I forgot to tell you what my mom said when I gave her the news. She waved me off and did the big tsk, tsk, tsk before she said, “You’ve been eating too many apple seeds.”

Me? Oh, hell yes, I was blinking. Blinking so fast I nearly passed out. Who eats apple

seeds? Not this girl. Hence the big mystery. 

Cheers! to me finding the cause.

 

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

 

Okay, so Honey and I were having one of our infamous chats about the universe and something interesting came up. Actually, *Looks right at you* several interesting things came to my attention, but I am going to focus in on just one.

An EMP attack of global proportions.

I know, deep, right?

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, it’s an Electromagnetic pulse attack that would basically wipe out our infrastructure. No electronics, no sewer, no electric, no water…yeah, no nuthin’ we’d be living like the cavemen in no time. *sigh* I hate to ponder about these things, but sometimes you have to.

*Thinks for a second* Then? *Points at you*

This doesn’t mean you can’t make the solution be one that is fun and uplifting to think about.

Honey calls this “my making Lemon meringue pie out of a watermelon moment”, but whatever.

So here’s the conversation:

I say, “You know I was thinking about imminent global threats today and this one came to me.”

“Oh boy.” He sat down and lifted a brow at me. “Am I going to need a drink, or will this just have me buying more life insurance?”

Haha! The latter was always a good idea. “No seriously. I was thinking about an EMP attack and it made very, very sad.”

Now both his brows went up. “I’d be devastated. No electronics? I’m the one who watches TV.”

Yeah, yeah, that was true, but for this conversation, I didn’t want to focus in on the fallout details. Hollywood and every Debbie downer on the planet had those things covered. I wanted to envision an upside to the end game of this kind of attack – any kind of attack actually. So I said this to him and funny enough – he was interested.

“An upside to societal breakdown? I gotta hear this and don’t tell me Batman arrives to save the day or that aliens land and stop the war.” He shook his head. “And don’t frown. I know you too well so I know how your writer’s mind works.”

*Raises my hand to you and acknowledges, guilty! I’m always inventing possible plot scenarios that cover just about any outlandish or fanciful thing* NOT that I was going to admit this to him. 😉 “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Pay attention. Imagine if you will—”

“Here we go,” he interrupted. *Le sigh* He’s such a guy.

“As I was saying. You know that stuff about Free Will I’ve been talking about? Well, suppose that’s the cosmic key to the universe? That earth is a Free Will zone and every life on earth only needs to claim it. I mean we give our will up to the government, banks, doctors, attorneys, lawyers, judges, police, military and don’t get me started on the IRS—”

“No fear of that. I want dinner tonight and we know what happens to those plans when you start talking about their 20 million dollar Star Wars extravaganza.”

“Great! Thanks for reminding me about that. It ties in with what I would do if an EMP attacked happened or was going to happen.”

He sat forward and tilted his head. “Happened? Are you going to shoot that BS about multi-dimensional universes and time travel and pirates and outer worldly vultures who you think have preyed on mankind long enough?”

“Abso-freaking-lutely!”

“I should have poured myself a drink.”

I waved him off and then launched into my brilliant and yet simple plan for the world. “Imagine this.” I have to become animated here or he stares at me like he’s watching paint peel. “There’s those in power who know how the game works – they’ve reached the end of the deck, they’ve played the Trump card and they still don’t like where this is going so they decide to do the EMP attack on America because it’s the world economy really—”

“No, it’s not.”

You see what he does? He cuts into my roll.

I scowl at him. “It’s the biggest consumer economy. Is that better?”

“I’m listening.”

“Well, being that it’s a game, and all have to participate to make it work, the power brokers have decided to jump start things with this kind of attack because their default position is always to create fear. BUT and this is a big but, there are too many people who are onto them. Ten years ago they may have pulled it off easily, but not so well now. Why? Because the swell of THE PEOPLE who are onto them decide to hold them financially responsible for what they’ve done to not only our country – but the entire world. We put our foot down and say that’s enough you have to pay up. We put such an astronomical number on the fine that they will all be broke for the rest of eternity.”

“That sounds pretty predictable to me. Wouldn’t they ignore you?”

“Us you mean. It’s a big collective and no. You see when you claim your FREE WILL they have no power over you in your past lives or future lives. You are no longer an earning product for them so they are without a means to make and attract tradable things of value for the rest of time. But you didn’t let me finish. What if we as a collective say to all those that disrupt and corrupt our planet that they can keep what they so far have collected – providing they didn’t steal or misappropriate those things of value – only if they leave this planet for good without any war, EMP attacks or nuclear attacks. Then THE PEOPLE would be free to live the way they were meant to live on this planet.”

He was silent for a second or two and then he whispered, “I don’t know how you do it.”

There’s me basking in the compliment thinking that I’d just come up with a plausible way to save the planet from the negative energy that is dragging our society down when he added.

“How do you sleep at night with all that crap rolling around in your head?”

Crap?

Rolling?

Nothing rolls around in my head, there’s no room. Every square inch is taken up by random and not so random thoughts – I assure you. To him, I said, “It’s easy. I figure somewhere out there in this sky or the galaxy above, the Creator of Souls is listening to me. And, being that he’s the gifter of FREE WILL he will see the sense in this plan. The only fly in the proverbial “Save the Universe” oil?”

“What?”

“Is that stubborn people like you will look at me like you are now when I tell them.”

That’s when he smiled. A big, bright, smile that reached his eyes. “If I thought something like this was possible, you know I’d be all over it.”

“Sometimes you have to rely on faith alone.”

“I prefer reality.”

And I would have preferred to toss one of the envelopes on the table at him, but, *insert a deep breath here* I smiled back at him instead. Talking through my teeth I told him, “I choose to believe. This is why you and I make such a great pair. The more you deny the possibility of such a thing happening, the more I believe it will happen.”

His eyes widened and he smacked the table. “Unreal. You take the possibility of averting a dramatic fictional cosmic catastrophe and turn it into a husband smack down in the turn of one sentence.”

“Thank you. I’ll take that as a compliment because doing so requires finesse and talent, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” His smile eased and he sat back. “What would happen if I had taken what you said and embraced it as being possible from the get-go?”

I took a millisecond to think that over and then I didn’t even blink. “I’d suggest you head over to the doctor’s for a check-up. Clearly you’d be sick. I thought we’d already decided decades ago that I was here to save your soul? If you agreed at face value I would consider my job here done.”

“Meaning?”

“I’m glad you’re not the average Joe. I want more people like me to see that this world has some phenomenal secrets. There’s a special kind of magic and right now most of it is being corrupted by people who don’t have the heart or soul to wield it with grace and goodness.”

“Now.” He pointed at me as he nodded. “That I believe.”

You see? Honey does come around. It just takes a special way to deliver the message to him.

*Thinks about that for less than a millisecond when the epiphany comes to me*

Damn, he would have listened to me proclaiming to be the Virgin Mary if I delivered the message sans clothes. *Insert the action of a finger snap here* I wish I had thought of that tactic sooner. It would have saved me some grief. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell him this without stressing him out too much. 😀

So…Anyone else have any great ideas on how to save the planet? The caveat has to be that we get rid of the bad guys who have screwed things up to a fair thee well AND whatever attack they were planning in the first place has to be adverted.

Heheheh. Here’s me with my author mind thinking, if we missed averting the catastrophe we could always bend time and put us back to the moment it happened and stop it from happening. I didn’t mention this to Honey because he has enough to worry about. Did I mention that I’ve got the poor guy fixing the electric/cable stuff in our house? Doesn’t sound so bad, but you have to remember our stuff is in the attic and it’s a cabillion degrees here. I sent him up there a few days ago and forgot to stick around the ladder to make sure he didn’t expire up there.

My bad!

Actually, I felt terrible when he came into the nice cool kitchen looking like he’d just gone for a swim. Poor guy.

As always, thanks for stopping by! And don’t forget to give me a great solution to our save the world challenge – Remember, the key is FREE WILL – Start there and then the person who comes up with the funniest or most creative method to banish the negative and criminal energy from the planet will get their name added three additional times to the big drawing we still haven’t done.

Geez…Caleb and Genevieve are a year older. Boy, do I need to get their story finished!!!!

Riley

You Gave Me A Rating Of One Star? WTF?!!!!

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Never mind that I worked hard.

I tried my best.

I sweated.

Toiled.

Cursed occasionally.

But?

I hung in there and that should have counted, right?

RIGHT?

*Insert me putting my hands in the air in defeat here* Because all that stuff I previously mentioned isn’t right. At least not according to Honey. You see, he didn’t care whether I stood out in a hundred and fifty degree heat holding his stupid wood. *Wags a finger at you* Not the good wood either. I know what you’re thinking. But alas, this was actual wood that he measured and cut on the back deck with his huge table saw for the valance box I designed for our bedroom.

My job was simple. Hold the panel stable and when I finished doing that, and after I was salt and peppered with sawdust, he laughed his ass off. Then my job was to keep the valance box steady while he screwed it up over our bedroom slider. *Looks right at you* He took his time, guys. Which, you know, wouldn’t have been so bad if I was six feet tall. Hell, if I was five and a half feet tall I wouldn’t have had to stand on my tip-toes. But there I was. Teetering. And what did he do when I complained? He took his sweet time getting to putting those screws in.

Seriously.

Here’s the conversation.

Me being not patient at all. “Could you hurry up with the screws? My arms are aching.”

Him being very patient. “I’m going as fast as I can. At least you’re not frying out in that hundred and fifty degree heat for five whole minutes.”

Side-eyes you. Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have complained about that inconvenience so loudly. It wasn’t exactly a hundred and fifty degrees and my five minutes was nothing to his most of the day. But still, I felt I needed to warn him.

“I’m going to drop it.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I am.”

“No.”

Did I mention the guy can aggravate the frigging crap out of me in a millisecond when he wants to? Today he definitely wanted to. So I decide to change the course of the argument. Clearly, I wasn’t going to win this one.

It was time to put him on the defensive. “What did you do to my navy blue towels?”

Finally, he used his screw gun and zipped in a screw. Bingo. He didn’t want to talk about the wrecked terry…but I did.

“You know, a strange thing happened. After my shower yesterday when I got out and wrapped one of those blue towels around me, I nearly cut myself.”

He screwed in the second screw so that the one side was secured and then came and took the valance box weight from me. *Hikes a brow at you* Hm. Oddly enough, he still hadn’t answered my question.

I didn’t move. “Aren’t you going to tell me what you did to them?”

He looked down and it was almost comical. I was standing right at his underarm while he was looking guilty as sin. “I don’t have any idea.” No wonder he was looking guilty. He was lying through his teeth, so I decided to help him out.

“No idea, huh? Let me put it to you this way. When I exfoliate I like to do that under the shower spray. Not when I get out of the shower and I’m drying myself off with one of my good towels. What did you get all over them? Concrete?”

*Points right at you* I’m not exaggerating here when I say my soft beach size towels had hardened  balls and smears of stone-type crap all over them.

The bugger grinned and I really got mad because the action made me not want to be mad at him at all. But then he said, “Not concrete. Drywall compound.”

*Tilts head at you* Like there’s a difference?

“Do you know how much those towels cost?”

“No, Riley, I do not.” He turned his attention to getting the last two screws fastened and I heard him mumble, “But you’re probably going to tell me.”

Oh hell, yeah I was. “Twenty-eight dollars each.” I pulled that sum right out of thin air purposely making it an odd amount, in the hopes that hitting him in the wallet would cause him to think twice about grabbing any kind of a towel out of the folded laundry and taking it to work with him to be ruined anytime the mood struck him.

He grunted, so I had to add.

“And that was when they were on sale. They aren’t any more so you’ll be paying full price for them when you replace them. Hey.” I stepped back and took a gander. “The valance box looks great! 5 stars.”

“Thanks. And you get a one.”

I shot a look at him. “Star?”

He nodded. “You started at five today but I subtracted one every time you complained. Therefore it’s one star for you today, babe.”

I was just about to open my mouth and tell him what I thought about that, but he annoyingly held up his drill in front of his mouth as if the drill bit was his index finger in the age old signal for me to be quiet.

I blinked and then scowled, when he said, “You have one star left. I wouldn’t want you to lose it.”

*Turns to look at you* Can you believe this guy?

*Shakes head*

Tomorrow we start building the closet. Can’t. Wait.

I will leave you with this. Yesterday Honey and I had a discussion about a towel hook for our master bath. I know, it’s just a hook, but it’s really not. It will have a prominent placement in the space and I was trying to be nice when I included Honey in the choice. Normally I just purchase the items and then say, “Hang this there, please.”

Well? I should have known better. He looked at all my choices (there were some really great ones. A huge cast iron whale tail? Come on, how cute is that?) and he turned his nose up at all of them. Then he points to one on the screen and asks, “How about that one?”

The one in question was a frigging plain old hook. You could even see where the screws were that held it together and where they would go on the wall once it was up. If that wasn’t bad enough it was two dollars and the caption actually read “Hook for garage storage.”

When I innocently pointed out that all his taste was in his mouth and he made some really, really, rude suggestion about what I could do with my mouth, LMAO over that one, I told him to quit with the dirty talking and to be serious. We needed to find something that was unique and functional. To which he said, “I’m not the designer. Knock yourself out. Buy whatever you want, and I’ll hang it.”

So what did I do? Why I simply decided to take him at his word. I can’t wait until he gets a load of this.

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Bahahahaha! I bought it and this is going to be our new towel/robe hook in our nicely remodeled bathroom. Do you like it?

I am so bad! But hey, I think this one will make a statement and look good. And if it’s nice quality this hook may find its way into one of my giveaways!!! I’ll be posting about the next one soon. 🙂

As always, thanks for stopping by!

Riley